Where do I sign up for the reality show?

I was going through and organizing my old posts when I ran across this one.
I posted it back in 2010.
This is a REAL incident report I found while cleaning out my office.

The previous manager was an older woman, very old actually, and I can just picture her typing this out so matter-of-factly. If it were me, I wouldn't have been able to help myself, I would have added in some satire. But, I love it just as she wrote it.


Here you go........

I was cleaning out my desk and I found this incident report.
I wanted to scan it, but it isn't coming in clear.
PLUS, not sure if I could get in trouble for that.
So, instead, I will have to retype it word for word.

For name safety let's call Tenant 1 Bob, and Tenant 2 Gary

And so it begins....

"At approximately 4:15PM today, August 3, 1998 Bob(tenant 1) came into the office. I thought he was here to pay rent (which he did) but he also wanted to talk to me about Gary(tenant 2, his neighbor). Bob stated that he has had problems with Gary for a couple of years but the problems have taken on a more aggressive attitude.

According to Bob the problem started a couple of yers ago when Gary came to his apartment and said something was wrong with Bobs cat. Something wrong with it's eye. While they were talking Gary asked him if he could bum a smoke and Bob said "sure" and then asked if Gary would like to come in and sit down. Gary did. After a while Gary began telling him that he had just watched some porno flicks and began masterbating while sitting in Bob's apartment. Gary then supposedly asked if Bob would like to do something. Bob said that he told Gary, "no, I am not gay and I do not have relationships with males." According to Bob, Gary got quite upset and left his apartment . Ever since then, whenever they pass in the drive area or walkways Gary says things to him. Bob said at first he could not understand what Gary was saying but since Gary was has been released from jail he quite clearly calls Bob an "a$$$%^&" and "F$%&* you" or calls him other names which at the moment I cannot recall. Bob says that he did not say anything all this time because he understands the mentality and emotional instability of homosexual. He felt that Gary was humiliated because he mistook Bob for one of his sexual orientation. he said that he could not believe that after all that Gary had done(he specificically mentioned when Gary's friend stole all the stuff from #52 backyard) that we would allow him to move back in here. I told him that I had not had a problem with Gary since he returned from prison, that Gary, to my knowledge has been a model resident. Gary has not even complained about other residents using the one parking space that has been designated as his.

The reason I am reporting all this to you in because Bob mentioned that he was asked if he had reported this to anyone of authority in his apartment complex and he said he had not. I asked who would ask a question like that . He said he is was mulling over the idea of suing Gary for verbal battery and he feels it is worth a lot of money. He said he is now afraid of what Gary or his friends might do to him, his cat or car. he said he can not have the quiet enjoyment that is entitled to him in his own home. He also said that he has seen Gary's friends coming around. When I asked him when he said one time. He kept stressing how frightened he is.

I am not sure that I believe this report but for our own well being I decided to report it. Prior to Gary's incarceration it might have been true. I asked Bob if he had any proof and he said he had some sperm stains on his couch from Gary's that he could use as evidence. "

See, I always wondered why the previous manager decided to move all the way across the country when her entire family lived right here in town. But, after reading this, and some other interesting reports, I don't blame her for going as far away as possible.

Can't you just picture her thinking "sucker!" as she was handing over her management keys to me.


Ps-People, in general, are just weird. 

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Spider Neck Tattoo

It was my day off (don't all good stories start with that?)

My husband was out power washing all the walkways of the complex.

Kids napping.

The house was quiet.

So I decided to strap on some gloves and deep clean my apartment.

I was sitting in my recliner watching Sense and Sensibility, with my gloves on, when I heard a knock on my front door.

It was the girl from the apartment across the way. 

She says, "There is some guy trying to break into my apartment."

Me-"There is a guy breaking into your apartment right now, or this happened earlier?"

Girl-"No right now. I was in my apartment, and some guy was in my backyard trying to open my sliding door telling me to open it."

Me-"Did you call the cops?"

Girl- "No I thought I would let you know"

Oh yeah, that makes perfect. You know, because I am not the type of person to run and lock myself in the bathroom when crazy guys come pounding on my door.

I grab the phone and call 9-1-1. As I am walking out the door, a skinny white guy with a huge spider web tattoo on his neck comes out of an apartment riding a bike with a laptop in the front basket.

I look up to my husband on the second floor walkway right above us, power washing. I yell, and he looked at me like I had three heads, and was streaking through the courtyard. I point to the skinny  tattoo dude riding the bike, and he looks at the guy then at me, and then at the guy, then at me, as if he had no idea who any of us were. I guess it didn't help that the power washer sounds like a regurgitating walrus.

The skinny spider web tattoo guy, takes off on the bike and my husband seems to finally snap back to earth and realizes what is going on, and takes off after the guy. I then walk into the apartment that tattoo dude just came out of, and notice that the back sliding door door is open and it looks like he grabbed everything of value he could on his way out.

My husband did not catch the guy.

That was NOT a fun phone call to make to the poor girl that lived in that apartment. She came home to find her laptop, bike, phone, and printer all gone.

The police show up.

I give a full detailed report of the incident.

So did Einstein over here who thought it would be better to go over to the managers place then call the cops.

I tell police officers that it was a Caucasian man around 25 years old, maybe 125 pounds with a shaved head and a spider web tattoo on his neck.

Pretty clear.

Right?

Later that night I get a call from the police officer,  he said he had a picture line up he would like me to look at.

They informed me that they were pretty sure they had caught the guy.

I was very excited.

I was hoping my poor tenant would get back her stuff.

The police officer shows up at my door.

He hands me the photo line up.

I take a look.

But I didn't have to look hard to know that non of the men were it.

Because they were all African American.

Uh...hello!?

I then once again give my description to the officer.

He looks down at the line-up and asks me to take another look just to be sure.

I mean honestly.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can tell the difference.

The police officer comes back again the next day with another photo line up.

I look down at the pictures of 10 different women.

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