Cable Guy

>> Thursday, September 11, 2014

If the cable goes out, it is NOT a maintenance emergency.
I repeat, it is NOT a maintenance emergency. 
The same holds true for Satellite.
Even if it is during Games of Thrones.
And no, you may not barrow my television while yours is on the fritz.  

A problem with your cable requires a call to your cable provider. 
It is not your managers problem. 

Except in this case. 

I had a tenant(let's call her Tenant A) whose cable kept going in and out. 
She called the provider.
They came out, and couldn't' find a problem, so they asked me if they could have access to the attic. 
There is only a handful of apartments who have access.  
I left a notice on the apartment next door (let's call him Tenant Cray-Cray) saying we would need to enter the apartment so we could go into the attic.
And by "we" I mean the cable guy, while I stood there and checked my email on my phone.  

Tenant Cray-Cray called me shortly after receiving the notice, and was PISSED. 
I gave him notice that the cable guy, and myself, would need to enter his apartment to use the attic. 
I was NOT asking for a kidney, or his first born child. 
Even though, that is exactly how he was acting. 
He even threatened to call Fair Housing. 
He felt it was idiotic that not all upstairs units had attic access. 
I agreed, and told him that he was more than welcome to call Marty McFly, travel back to 1972, and explain this to the architect that designed this building. 
The same one that numbered it. 
Then he went on to say that he didn't even have access in his apartment.   

At this point, I knew he didn't want me to go into his apartment for a reason. 
I'm legally obligated to give 24-hour notice. 
I gave 48-hours. 

The day arrived for the cable guy to figure out what was wrong with Tenant A's cable. 
We walked into Tenant Cray-Cray's apartment, and guess what?
The house was clean. 
Smelled wonderful. 
All looked great. 
That is, aside from the large hole in the ceiling with the cable wires dropping down into his television and WIFI router. 

I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, and say that Tenant Cray-Cray not only knew that there was attic access in his apartment, but had been up there a few times himself. 
Since, you know, he was stealing his neighbors cable. 


False Advertisement

>> Friday, August 29, 2014

If I am reading through a rental ad, I'll forgive a few missed commas, or perhaps an excessive amount of adverbs. 
Exclamation marks are a different story. 
If you use more than five in your ad, I feel like you're either yelling at me or are hyperactive. 
Rent here now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One must be careful with typos though, because you don't want to falsely advertise an amenity that you don't have. 

For example. 

I found this listing the other day. 
Five bedrooms
Five Baths
109,771 square feet. 

First off, is it a hotel?
Are these five bedrooms each the size of ballrooms?
It also lists that there is a "swimmers pool" available. 
Not a swimming pool, but a swimmers pool. So, it is available for only one swimmer at a time?
And not to be picky, but it should be swimmer's pool. Apostrophes are important.

23 Hour security

So, for one hour a day, you're on your own.
Wasn't there a movie about one day a year where all crime is legal? 
The Purge?
I never saw the movie, but in my mind, that one hour goes something like that. 
Ps- You can watch the movie trailer here, but I suggest reading the comments after. Hilarious. People genuinely asking if this is a real thing in America? As if it where a documentary. 

I know I've posted this before, but I still find it funny.
This apartment has 3 Bed Room, and 1 beth.
Is Beth the roommate, or perhaps she's the housekeeper?
Regardless, I can speak from personal experience, that if you don't deliver exactly what is advertised, people will unleash the crazy.
So I would suggest that this apartment manager find himself a Beth to go with this apartment, or maybe change the sign. Which ever is easier.



Looking for a Bargain

>> Friday, August 22, 2014

One day, I showed a nice couple a two-bedroom apartment.
They took two applications with the promise of returning soon.
The next day, they returned with their applications but with a coupon attached to them.
A coupon?
This coupon looked to have been created in Microsoft Word, and promised $200 off monthly rent plus ZERO deposit, if one signed a one-year lease.
No fine print, but it had a large barcode on the front.

Me: "Where did you get this? We've never offered a coupon before, and we would never offer a zero deposit."
Coupon Guy: "We found it on the internet, so you have to honor it."

Have to?

Yes, because everything you see on the internet is true.

When I assured him that this coupon was not applicable to this property, he kept urging me to try the barcode to see if it worked.
Because I generally carry around a barcode gun.
This isn't Vons.

Coupon Guy: "You can get an application and attachment on your iPhone to scan barcodes."

Duh, why didn't I think of that?

So, I jumped on Amazon and ordered a $600 scanner for my phone, so I could scan this mysterious coupon.


Coupon Guy continued to press the issue.
He kept saying it was the law, and  I have to accept this coupon.
I said we were done and he could leave.
He left, but not before promising to turn us into the The Better Business Bureau because we were breaking the law.


If we can start creating our own coupons, then I am going to hop on over to Word, and make myself a Buy One Get One Free coupon and take it down to the BMW dealership.


When You Can't Find a Pen...

>> Wednesday, August 13, 2014

the next option is obviously a crayon.

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