So, You Want to Go Swimming?

>> Monday, July 21, 2014

A community pool is a lovely attribute to any apartment complex.

The thought of lounging around the pool on a hot summer day is appealing to most prospective tenants.

Of course, there are always those few, lovely tenants, who believe that they should get a rent discount because they don't use the pool.

What they don't know, however, is just how much effort goes into maintaining that giant hole of chlorinated water.

Of course most have pool men(I have about 600 stories about pool men, but we shall save those for later). Some of the responsibility still falls on the apartment manager, and that responsibility usually requires the removal of unwanted items.

See where I am going with this?

Items I've removed from the pool,

-The surrounding pool furniture(on too many occasions)

-A crib mattress

-A dead kitten

-My complex keys, from the deep end, while showing an apartment.

-Two ducks and four baby chicks. But they returned the following day, and the day after that, and the day after that..I finally just called them the apartment's mascot and filed all duck complaints in the imaginary "Complaints for God" folder, along with  this one. 

-A homeless man

-A homeless woman

-A baby doll(nearly gave me a heart attack!)

-A Blender(the top not the base). Those suckers sink, FYI.

-Beer bottles...lots and lots of beer bottles, because apparently people can't read.

And then, of course, there is always...

Happy Swimming!


I Can't Pay My Rent This Month Because...

>> Tuesday, July 15, 2014

"The Heat chocked and lost the &*%$*& series."

"My grandma is visiting, and I want to take her out to a nice dinner."

"The gardeners start mowing the %$#&@ lawn before noon every $%&#$-in week, and I should have peace and quiet until a reasonable hour." 

"I don't have washer and dryer hook-ups in my apartment, and I hear the complex across the street does."

"I think my apartment is haunted."

If you have a good Excuse for not Paying Rent, send it to

Thanks--Oaks Apartments, Gena P., Tay Y, Greg W, and Me. 


Who Knew?

>> Thursday, July 3, 2014

Remember this? 

 submitted by Margaret P

Well, apparently, the struggle is REAL. 
I have never received such a response from a post before. 
My inbox is filled with stories of of the mismatched union of small toilet seats and large....well, you get it. 

"One resident asked me for a bigger bowl because it's hard for him to aim in the small one....his bathroom was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen....pee all over the walls, even the wall opposite of the toilet?" 


"I had a resident ask for a toilet seat riser. Every time he sat down to pee, his balls would drop into the water." 

-Cheney J. 

"I had one trying to get me to put an elongated oval toilet in because his man parts were "too big" for the little round toilets. I SO had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing."

-Shannon S. 

"I had a tenant ask if we could get him a higher toilet because he has to wear a jock strap when he uses the bathroom to take a (poop)." 

-Lydia P.

Well, managers, it looks like Lydia's resident has found a solution to the problem. 
Maybe jockstraps should be included in your move-in packets. 


Crazy Gate Lady(Flash Back Friday)

>> Friday, June 27, 2014

A few months back, we were having problems with the front gate. It is a very sensitive, and for one reason or another, it kept coming off track. So one day, when I was walking the property, I notice a woman standing at the gate obviously waiting for a friend, but she had her foot resting on the gate and was rocking it back and forth.

I was at a distance, but I asked the woman politely to remove her foot. She didn't move. So I ask again in a slightly higher voice. Again, her foot remained on the gate and she continued to rock even harder.

I assumed she did not hear me, so I walked up to her and said..
"Excuse me, can you please not put your foot on the gate."

Crazy Gate Lady:"Don't you have anything better to do than to (Bleep) and moan at me?"

Me:"Well, I am actually the apartment manager here and that gate is very sensitive so I would appreciate if you would remove your foot."

Crazy Gate Lady: "Leave me the (bleep) alone, you think I am too (bleepin) heavy for the gate? You wouldn't understand you skinny little (bleep)!"

Of course you know what my next reaction is...

"You think I am skinny! Well, thank you! Now get your foot off the gate please."

I wont lie, that kind of made my day. 

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