How NOT to get Approved

>> Monday, February 8, 2016

Make an appointment to see apartment. 
Show up to appointment high as a kite. 
When asked to leave
Puke in bushes

BTW-hop over to Facebook and join the discussion 


Yes, She Was Approved

Showing an apartment to a woman relocating to the area so she can start her residency at the local hospital...
"What's this?" She asks.
Me: "it's the kitchen."
Her: "What's it for?"
Me: "To cook food."
Her: "Then what's this for?"
Me: "That's the living room."
Her: "what's it for?"
Me: "You can put a couch in there, or a television if you like."
Her: "but what is it for?"
Me: "I'm not sure what you're asking. It's a living room."
She shakes her head, looking at me as if I am a poor, uneducated idiot. "Never mind, can you tell me what that room is for?"
Me: "Um, it's the bathroom."
Her: "What's it for?"
Note to self: in case of medical emergency, drive one more city over.


Covert Operation

>> Monday, January 25, 2016

BTW, you can always find me over on Facebook. We've got a pretty fun community over there. Link in sidebar --> 

My boss sent me to another complex to scope it out. He was about to acquire this property from another management company after it had been underperforming for the last…oh…let me see…forever. He asked me to do so without revealing my real reason for visiting.
No problem.
I can do discreet.
For whatever reason(probably boredom) I was really excited about this. I mentally created a fake identity using my sister's first name and my mother's maiden name. You know, so I wouldn't forget it. My cover story was that I was relocating to the area for work. (even though none of this was necessary)
I got to the property and took note of the trash on the walkways and wood burning grills on the patios (gasp!), but other than that, it didn't look like a terrible place to live. I found the leasing office with the leasing agent inside. She perked up when I walked in and asked how she could help me. I gave her my fake name and story. She then asked me where I would be working.
Ummmmm, "HBO," I said, because it was the first thing to come to my head. Is HBO located in Orange County? Probably not, but she didn't ask about it, all she wanted was my drivers license.
I hadn't thought this all the way through, obviously.
When she asked why my drivers license had a different name I said, "I got married and changed my name, just not on my drivers license yet." I'll admit, I was pretty happy with this quick response.
"You're changing your last and first name?"
"Um, yeah." I then rambled on about how it was a religious thing…at this point I think she was afraid to be alone in an apartment with me. I knew this because she stood at the door while I looked through a two-bedroom.
After the tour, she started asking me about my job. My BS meter was running on low so I left. I literally just turned around and walked away, fast, while we were still talking.
I had retrieved the information requested, not exactly in a smooth way, but I got it. Mission accomplished.
Except, as Lady Luck would have it, the leasing agent and I both seem to have kids around the same age, who have the same friends, who both attended the same princess party two days later.
Does a leasing agent forget about the prospective tenant who was talking about how she is religiously obligated to change her first name, and says she works for HBO, and then randomly runs away mid-sentance?
I would never make it as secret agent, obviously.


"Raindrops" Keep Falling on my Head

>> Wednesday, December 23, 2015


" Quite a few years ago, I switched companies as a Leasing Professional.  The first weekend that I worked by myself, was, in it-self, a nightmare.  I received a call from a resident about a leak in her ceiling above her couch, so I called emergency maintenance.  About 10-15 minutes later, the on- call maintenance technician arrived and went over to the apartment, saw the leak, and then checked the apartment above.  Moments later, I receive this phone call from him: "Could you please come meet me at apartment XYZ?"..."Sure," I said!  And off I went to meet my maintenance tech at apartment XYZ.  Upon arrival, nothing could have prepared me for what came next.  There before me, was a person, who was overtly obese, lying on the floor, dead.  Unfortunately, it had been quite some time since someone had checked on this person...and yes, their body had ruptured and  that was where the leak was coming from.  I called the non-emergency police line.  I mean, there was definitely no way to save this person and I didn't want to draw attention to the building and alarm the resident who had reported the leak, below.  Thank the heavens that we had corporate suites at this apartment community!!!  I ensured the resident that we care so much for her comfort, that we would not like for her to stay in the apartment, until the leak repair was complete.  She obliged and I helped her pack/move the items that she needed for that week.  All was cleaned and returned to normalcy; however, that image can never be erased from my mind."

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