A Bowl is a Bowl

>> Tuesday, February 10, 2015



Submitted by Kelly K. 
I am an Assistant Property Manager for a relatively small complex in Texas. We have four buildings that are newly built and have all the amenities needed such as dishwashers and garbage disposals. 
We had recently just finished fixing a plumbing issue in one of these buildings, when one of our seldomly seen residents came in to report an issue. 
She said her toilet was clogged up, and would not flush not matter what she did. 
We had just fixed this issue in the entire building, so it was a bit odd that she was having this problem. 
So, we sent our maintenace guy to check it out immediately. 
 
He called us shortly after entering the apartment to report what he had found. 
The toilet was filled with potatoes, uncooked and chopped into large chunks.

(wait...what?)




You could tell the resident had tried to force them down the toilet, because a few of them were mashed. 

(You think she used a potato masher or a plunger?)

The resident acted surprised that there were potatoes in her toilet, pointing out that she had a perfectly good garbage disposal, and she would have used that to dispose of them. 

(Uh...we are sure they were mashed potatoes, right?)

She left for work, confused, as the maintenance man went to work unclogging the mashed potato bowl. 
 
There was a large pot on her counter that had potato remains in it, and we still wonder what she was thinking pouring them in the toilet. 
More so, where did she assume we would think they came from!? 
Her downstairs neighbor!?
 
Or...



Go here to read about my own toilet drama 

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Submitted

>> Thursday, February 5, 2015


I love finding these gems in my inbox! 





Submitted by Loraine H. 

I was covering for another Leasing Agent at a different property while she on vacation. 
A resident came in and said he had lost his key. 
I asked for his name and apartment number. 
I pulled him up on the computer, and next to his picture was a note from the leasing agent saying that this tenant was to be charged for new keys. 
I didn't think this was to odd, since I normally do charge my tenants for replacement keys. 
I radioed the maintenance man, and had him get a new key to the tenant. 

Three days later the tenant came back in saying he found his key, and then he returned the new one. 
I put the key in his file. 

When the Leasing Agent returned from her vacation, I told her I put the key in this tenants file. 
She grimaced. 
She then went on to say that this tenant has a history of eating his keys. 
Yep, he EATS THEM.
Who eats their apartment key?
Now I want to know if he actually lost his key and really did find it, or if it had finally passed it through his digestive track. 






Submitted by Katie N. 

I worked at an apartment community in downtown Austin, Texas. 
One morning, we got back to the office with multiple calls about a scary man wandering around the parking garage. 
Did I mention his face was covered in blood? 
Someone actually did call the police for this, and we spent the morning trying to get the police records and as much information as we could. 
We weren't getting much luck, but I was sitting at my desk in front of the window that faced the parking garage and what do you know? 
Here comes the bloody man walking right for the door. 
Naturally, I freak out and run to the back office to get the assistant manager. 
We're both freaking out and he comes into the back office.
Turns out this guy is a resident. 
He lost his keys (shocking) and couldn't get into his apartment. 
We gave him a new set. 
Then, he couldn't figure out how to unlock his door (also shocking) and the maintenance guy had to help him in his apartment. 
We still don't fully know what happened that night other than he wandered around the parking garage for like 3 hours, an ambulance took him away, but he refused service since (as it turns out) he is a doctor at that hospital and it was his birthday. 
Sounds like Dr. Bloodyface had one hell of a birthday. 
Did I also forget to mention it was Friday, the 13th?

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For the Book

>> Thursday, December 4, 2014

"Another one for the book."
I used to say that all the time.
Like when this happened and this. 
Truth is though, I already wrote the book.
Took me two years to write the darn thing.
Writing out so many words is kinda hard.
And the publishing world is kinda tricky.
Rough stuff I tell ya.

The book is a comedy about an apartment manager, and I'll have more information for you soon.
Like after I have yet another kid.
Birthing has become a sort of a hobby of mine.
But methinks you'll like it, the book not the birthing part, so look for more information next year.
Yay!
Anyways, moving on, here is "another one for the book."
Perhaps the sequel?



I had a tenant who was late on his rent every. single. month.
He would come to my office on rent day with puppy dog eyes, and a twenty-minute speech as to why he can not pay rent right now, but he was good for it.

He didn't work, but was in involved in a court case that he swore would result in a large payout for him.
Someday.
He was suing a former employer or former girlfriend or former doctor...whoever it was, it was former.
And every month, he swore that this was the month that the judgment was going to finally go in his favor(despite many, many, many appeals on this case that he had lost some years back).

He always ended up paying his rent, just in small inqriments throughout the month.
It was annoying, but he was a long time resident, so it sort of became the normal.

Finally, I sat down with him and pointed out the fact that he could not afford his apartment, and that it may be time to look into other options.
We left the conversation with him agreeing that paying over a thousand dollars a month in rent, when you have zero income, was perhaps not the most finacially responsible decision.
He thanked me for me input, and said he now knew what he had to do.

Fast forward two days later.
This tenant is at my door all smiles and giggles with a check for the full amount owed.

Shocked, I took the check and asked him where he got the money.
Did he now have a job?
Did he win his court case against his former something?

He said that he had contacted a very nice man who was willing to loan him the money for rent.
All he had to do in return, was pay the nice man back double the amount loaned within thirty-days.



Lucky for this tenant, we ended up evicting him shortly after for non-payment.
I say lucky, because about three days after the new tenant moved into his old apartment, that "nice man" came back with a baseball bat, some of his friends, and took everything of value in order to pay back the debt.


Now, I clearly remember suggesting he look into moving to a less expensive apartment that, you know, he could afford.
I do not recall mentioning the words LOAN SHARK.




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The Feud of Perm and Sprinkle

>> Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Once upon a time, there were two stores tucked away in a beautiful shopping center located in a desirable Southern California city.



One of the stores catered to those looking for a cold sugary treat.
The other store catered to those who were looking to enhance their appearance.



The owner of the cold sugary treat store went by the name Sprinkle(for the purpose of this blog only).


The owner of the enhancing beautification store went by Perm(see parethesis above)



Now Perm, who had resided in her store for quite some time, was not happy when Sprinkle moved in.
It annoyed her that Sprinkle's customers would stand and eat in front of her store, even if some of Sprinkle's customers were Perm's customers as well.
Sprinkle did not like Perm, because she would yell at his customers when they would eat in front of her store.



The poor shopping center manager, let's call her Patience, had the pleasure of recieving weekly, sometimes daily, complaints from Perm about Sprinkle, and from Sprinkle about Perm.



Not happy with Patience. Perm decided to take matters into her own hands.
She stopped paying the rent until Patience agreed to kick-out Sprinkle and his prosperous business that brought many new customers to the shopping center.
Which makes perfect sense, because if you want someone ELSE to get kicked-out, not paying YOUR rent is the fastest way to make that happen.



When Perm was served court papers, she realized that her approach, while genius, was not going to work in this situation.
So, naturally, she did what any sane person would do next.



She peed in Sprinkle's mailslot.

(apparently Perm needs to drink more water) 


How Perm accomplished this is a technicality that Patience doesn't want to know.



THE END

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