Spider Neck Tattoo

>> Thursday, October 17, 2013

It was my day off (don't all good stories start with that?)

My husband was out power washing all the walkways of the complex.
Kids napping.
The house was quiet.
So I decided to strap on some gloves and deep clean my apartment.
I was sitting in my recliner watching Sense and Sensibility, with my gloves on, when I heard a knock on my front door.
It was the girl from the apartment across the way. 
She says, "There is some guy trying to break into my apartment."

Me-"There is a guy breaking into your apartment right now, or this happened earlier?"

Girl-"No right now. I was in my apartment, and some guy was in my backyard trying to open my sliding door telling me to open it."

Me-"Did you call the cops?"

Girl- "No I thought I would let you know"

I grab the phone and call 9-1-1. As I am walking out the door, a skinny white guy with a huge spider web tattoo on his neck comes out of an apartment riding a bike with a laptop in the front basket.

I look up to my husband on the second floor walkway right above us, power washing. I yell, and he looked at me like I had three heads, and was streaking through the courtyard. I point to the skinny  tattoo dude riding the bike, and he looks at the guy then at me, and then at the guy, then at me, as if he had no idea who any of us were. I guess it didn't help that the power washer sounds like a regurgitating walrus.

The skinny spider web tattoo guy, takes off on the bike and my husband seems to finally snap back to earth and realizes what is going on, and takes off after the guy. I then walk into the apartment that tattoo dude just came out of, and notice that the back sliding door door is open and it looks like he grabbed everything of value he could on his way out.

My husband did not catch the guy.

That was NOT a fun phone call to make to the poor girl that lived in that apartment. She came home to find her laptop, bike, phone, and printer all gone.

The police show up.
I give a full detailed report of the incident.
So did Einstein over here who thought it would be better to go over to the managers place then call the cops.
I tell police officers that it was a Caucasian man around 25 years old, maybe 125 pounds with a shaved head and a spider web tattoo on his neck.
Pretty clear.

Later that night I get a call from the police officer,  he said he had a picture line up he would like me to look at.
They informed me that they were pretty sure they had caught the guy.
I was very excited.
I was hoping my poor tenant would get back her stuff.
The police officer shows up at my door.
He hands me the photo line up.
I take a look.
But I didn't have to look hard to know that non of the men were it.
Because they were all African American.
I then once again give my description to the officer.
He looks down at the line-up and asks me to take another look just to be sure.
I mean honestly.
I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can tell the difference.
The police officer comes back again the next day with another photo line up.
I look down at the pictures of 10 different women.


Anonymous March 30, 2010 at 9:42 PM  

LMAO! I don't know who was more stupid the cops or the girl who thought to come to you first. Don't ya love that. I mean, come on when I say I live here and will be here if you need anything, that does not mean I am going to act like an unarmed cop. Ok, well I maybe crazy enough to do it, but that's not the point! I love this business!

AmyKay March 30, 2010 at 10:36 PM  

so what exactly does a regurgitating walrus sound like??

Jessica March 31, 2010 at 7:06 AM  

oh my gosh! another hilarious post! hahahaha

Karen March 31, 2010 at 12:30 PM  

Please, PLEASE tell me this was not our illustrious A-town PD!

Margaret March 31, 2010 at 1:18 PM  

LMAO Gotta love idiot cops!!!!!

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