Dear Perspective Vendors,

If you want to become a vendor at this fine rather large property let me give you a few examples of what to do and what not to do.

First off don't call me and ask if you can fax over your information to get on my vendor list.

Do you want to see my vendor list...

Yep that flyer of yours with the nice big Clip Art man painting a house is sitting right in there with the Cancun Vacations and Viagra Flyers(honestly am I the only one that gets fax spam??)

If you are really wanting me to consider using you for your painting/glazing/maintenance/carpet installing skills, it is NO,T and I repeat NOT, a good idea to ambush me as I walk out of Home Depot. I am a little skeptical, and jitterish, so I assume any strange man approaching me is a rapist and needs a spritz of pepper spray.

Consider yourself warned.

However, putting forth the effort to come to my office and make a personal appearance, is always a good idea.

But offering a 20 something mother of two, a $2.00 oversize mesh trucker hat with your company logo so tastelessly plastered on the front, is probably not going to land you the account. I am just saying, wtf am I going to do with that?

You can, however, give me a pen. I love pens. I keep an eye on nice pens like I do my children. I have been known to chase after someone with a stabler who "accidentally" walked off with my pen.

But, honestly, at the end of the day,  it all comes down to price, because I obviously don't want to pay more money than I am already paying. But, I do love when you tell me that you can not beat my current vendors price, because you offer a more high end product.

Come on!

Honestly!?

This is an apartment complex, not a Ritz. If it works okay, and it's cheap, it looks good. If it works okay, and it's cheaper, it's looks better.

So, if you happen to work your way into my heartless body and become a vendor I must warn you that I do have one very important rule. That rule is, that I deal with enough whining/attitudes/stupidity/slobness already so the second you whine about something, give me even the hint of attitude, or get in one of my maintenance men's faces....

*Good Bye!

Sincerely,

ME

*however lavish gift baskets or gift cards will get you back on my vendor list.