Creepy Crazy Sublet Guy

My first official business several years ago when I took over this complex was to deal with this particular tenant who wanted out of his lease. He had signed a one year lease only one month prior and he believed he could smooth talk the new manager out of his lease. He kept coming in and complementing me on my looks and giving me a horrible cheesy smile which I found anything but charming. As a matter of fact I got a creepy vibe from the beginning. When his corny attempts failed he decided to take manners into his own hands and sublet his apartment. Of course he did not even check in with us before he did so and he did not even take into account that his apartment was located right in front of mine.

So it became obvious what was going on when I noticed a small woman moving her things into his apartment. When I approached her about what exactly was going on she let me know she had rented the apartment. Huh? Turns out that the creepy guy had not only sublet her apartment but was making a $20 dollar profit in the process. Seriously??

Long story short I called him, told him about my lawyer that would be contacting him soon, and he called me every bad name in the book and went straight crazy town on me. He of course got in some nasty trouble and was financially responsible for the remainder of his lease.

So you can imagine me surprise when three years later my caller ID reads Creepy Crazy Sublet Guy. When I answered the phone he pretended that he found our apartments online and never mentioned his name. He said he was interested in renting an apartment for his wife, not himself, he would just visit occasionally(oh yeah that story sounds like it checks out). I played along and told him I happened to have a studio. He then told me he would would send his wife in to bring a deposit because they wanted it. When I questioned why he would want an apartment he had not seen he told me that it just sounded nice....seriously who does this guy think he is.

I finally let him in on the fact that I now have caller id. He tried to back peddle saying that just his wife would live there not him. Which we both knew was a lie. I then told him that due to the fact that we had to send him to our lawyers once we would not be renting to him again and then hung up the phone.

Two days later the Creepy Crazy Sublet Guy came into my office and told me that he had bought an apartment complex and moved into one of the apartments. He had rented to a group of guys who had not payed rent in months and when he tried to evict them they threatened to kill him. So he wanted to move here to hide.
Honestly?
First off it was nice to see that this guy is still a complete idiot, second why in the heck would you think telling me you would like to hide out here would make me want to rent to you is beyond me?? Seriously???

I simply told him that I would rather lick the rear end of a birthing cow then to rent to him.
And yes those were my exact words. And yes I think it would be far less painful then dealing with him.