Killer Bees

>> Monday, April 14, 2014


At 5:30 p.m. the courtyards come alive again.
Tenants stroll in, stopping at the mailboxes, grabbing their packages from the office, waving to their neighbors as they arrive home from a long day of work.

On this particular day, I was passing out everyone’s Amazon packages, when I heard screaming from the courtyard.
I looked out the window and saw several tenants running out of their apartments.

I walked out of the office and asked what was wrong, and everyone said that their apartments were filled with bees.
Now, I had done this long enough to realize that every situation is an EMERGENCY!!! AHHHHHH!!!! LIFE IS OVER!!!!!!
And eleven times out of ten, it’s actually not.

So, I figured when a tenant said their apartment was filled with bees, there were a few fruit flies. 
I went into the first apartment and holy freakin bees, there was a swarm in the bathroom.
I walked into the second apartment, even more bees, all where coming from the bathroom.
I then walked into the third apartment, and I found the tenant in the bathroom with a pair of scissors, yes I said scissors, and he was trying to cut the bees in order to kill them. 




Scissor boy then informed me that the bees were coming out of the toilet, yes I said toilet, which makes perfect sense, because bees have gills and can swim up through the plumbing system.






I called the bug guy.
By this point, tenants had been stung by the mutant bumblebee fish hybrids, and we set up a triage at the picnic table fully equipped with band-aids and hugs.
Scissors guy emerged from his apartment and announced he was allergic.
Now, I am not a genius, but if you were allergic to bees wouldn’t it be a better idea to, oh I don’t know, exit the apartment as soon as possible instead of trying to cut the little fast moving insects with a pair of scissors?
No?

Bug guy arrived.
I may, or may not have, asked him nonchalantly if bees had the capacity to swim through the water pipes.
He said no.

Turns out the bees were coming through the vent, and bug guy found two large hives.
I then had a tenant start to cry because we were killing the bees.
She had her five-month old baby on her hip, and was STANDING in front of one of the hives, bees swarming around her, in protest.


Now I’ve seen the BEE MOVIE, on multiple occasions, so I’m basically an entomologist.



However, I wasn’t about to put six tenants up at the local No Tell Motel, while we discussed how to peacefully evict our unwanted friends.



Long story short, we got rid of the hives.
And by we, I mean the bug guy did.




And protest lady called me a bad name and said she was going to move.
But guess what?
I got over it. 
And she is still there. 


1 comments:

Zunair zain April 19, 2014 at 12:03 AM  

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