Just when you think you have heard it all...

I was doing a walk through with a tenant who is moving out shortly.
The carpet was in perfect condition.
The walls looked untouched.
The place was perfectly clean.
I then head into the bedroom.
There right at the head of his bed was a giant hole.
I had to ask.

He told me that he was doing "power stretches" in bed and accidentally put his hand through the wall.

huh?

I wanted to ask but didn't what exactly a "power stretch" was...but I do have a few guesses.

Three words: Crochet Cat Pillow

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Pressurized Tanks?

Give Away-->

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

We sure did!

We actually left the property.

It feels like I never leave.

We left for our "vacation" and I use the term incredibly loosely because sleeping in a full bed with both my husband and sick children was not exactly what I would call a vacation BUT I got the see the whole fam damily and my kids walked away with more presents then we could fit in our over sized car.

(Phew that was one long sentence)

On our long car ride home my cell phone went off again which was about the 12th time since I stepped foot off the property...it feels good to be loved(I think?)

It was my security guard explaining that he received a complaint from apartment 16 stating that the people above him were being incredibly loud.. The name of the complainer did not sound familiar and I was left even more confused since apartment 16 is an upstairs unit. There is no neighbors above him.

I could only imagine what the heck was happening

Okay I have a pretty crazy imagination but that is the first thing that came to my mind.

Anyways, I call the number of this person whose name did not sound familiar and when he answered he had NO idea who I was. After about a 2 minute

"Who are you?"

"Well who are you?"

Conversation that was going nowhere we realized that he was actually from the apartment complex next door that shares a similar name(Phew).

Even though he knew I was not his manager and he knew I basically held no power what so ever over at his complex he felt the need to tell me his problem.

Him and his wife are retired. They have lived at the neighboring complex for over 5 years and loved it. About four months ago a strange man moved in upstairs. This new neighbor is home all day long and up all night long. Apparently he drags giant pressurized tanks up and down his stairs all night long and they can hear him dragging these tanks all around his apartment.

What the...?!?

Anyways, he then goes on to say that they also see women going into his apartment all hours of the night but never heard them leave. But the next day the man would drag large garbage bags out to his car....

I then got a different mental image of what was going on and it wasn't nearly as pleasant as Mary Poppins.

I told this man two things.

First, call the police.

Doesn't that seem like the obvious?

Second, that we had a lovely downstairs one bedroom opening up in our very quiet complex so conveniently located next door.

What?

I got apartments to rent.

I wasn't trying to steal him

I was just trying to help

Honestly

(fingers crossed)

Don't worry my husband was giving me this

"I can not believe you are trying to sell this guy an apartment right now"

look the entire time.

I showed him the apartment yesterday and he wants to move in ASAP.

Hopefully these neighbors aren't to loud for him since he will be living right below.

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A pointless complaint

More often then not when I get a call from tenants it's either to make a maintenance request or make a complaint..

Let's me honest, more often then not it's the later.

Although it would be nice to get a call telling me how awesome I am.

Anyways, despite how it may sound I am actually a pretty darn good manager.

Honestly I am.

No matter what they say.

Don't listen to them.

I mean I try my hardest to deal with the complaints as quickly as possible.

Promise.

But it's just that some complaints are sort of beyond my ability to fix.

For example The Rain Lady.

Another example would come from downstairs tenants.

You would be surprised how often I get this...

"I can hear my neighbor upstairs walking, can you please talk to them about that?"

Really?

Honestly!?

You can hear your neighbors walking.

Oh the calamity.

I mean what kind of world do we live in that you are forced to listen to the people upstairs walk!?

I will address this right away.

So please to all those that rent upstairs apartments please have some consideration and STOP walking it is very disturbing to the people below you.

Run, jump or skip around that if far more considerate.

Or you could contact this guy and see if his girlfriend can teach you how to fly.

That would be the most simple solution wouldn't it?

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It's time we have THE "talk"

GIVE AWAY BELOW!!!

Okay my blog readers.

Please take a seat and avoid eye contact at all costs.

I think it is time that we have the talk.

You know, the talk.

I still remember when I had the talk with my mom

Even though I wish I could forget....

(shudder)

But, we are all adults so I feel it is time.

Today my subject matter is that of a mature nature.

It has to do with sex

(is it immature that I let out a little giggle when I typed that...don't answer)

But the truth is that as an apartment manger I get a great deal of people complaining about their neighbors...doing their thing so to speak.

(immature giggle again).

(okay I am done)

I have heard phrases like

"it was scaring my baby"

and

"all night long...honestly all night"

there was also

"can't they go inside their apartment instead of their patio?"

and then there was

"I thought a cat was dying!"

By far the best sex complaint I have ever received came almost three years ago when I first took over management at my current complex.

It was from a younger tenant who had recently moved in. She came in looking completely sleep deprived and extremely agitated. She went on to explain that not only does she have to listen to screaming and headboards banging but that it went on almost every night all night long.

She used words like "unnatural" and "unhealthy"

I knew I had never met her neighbors and I was not crazy about our first meeting being of this nature. But it's the name of the game. I know way more about some of my tenants then I ever wanted to.

I head right over to the...ahem...noisy neighbors. A sweet older woman who was well into her 60's possibly 70's answers the door. She is SO excited to meet me and quickly runs to her kitchen and grabs a plate of cookies. Her husband is sitting in a recliner watching fishing or golfing or maybe Wheel a Fortune...anyways, he throws his hand up and to acknowledge my presence.

Honestly?!

I wasn't sure what I was expecting but this certainly was not it.

There were so many things running through my mind...

"what is your secret?"

"Could of lived my entire life without this new mental image running through my mind"

"Shouldn't you be getting more sleep?"

She then began telling me about how she has a granddaughter just about my age.

We chatted for a few minutes and I took a cookie and left. Chicken.

Then their neighbor came in and complained again two days later so I was forced to face the issue. I approached the door again and the sweet woman answered the door again with her husband sitting in his chair watching the same sort of show. I simply and quickly asked if she could possibly put something behind her headboard in order to prevent it from hitting the wall.

She looked at me puzzled.

I thought I was pretty clear. So I reiterrated with telling her that some neighbors can hear her headboard against the wall and if she could pull it back a few inches then it shouldn't be a problem.

Again puzzled look.

She then invited me in to show her what exactly I was talking about.

Maybe a normal person would have declined such an offer...

I entered her room and noticed that they had a big heavy wooden headboard on their king size bed. I went over and gave the headboard a little push and it went banging against the wall. I look at her and I could see the look of realization coming to her face.

She gave me a little smile and grabbed a little crochet pillow that had a cat on it and stuffed it between the headboard and the wall. I gave the bed another push and this time it did not bang against the wall. We smiled at each other and she offered me another cookie and I left.

These tenants are in fact still here and still going strong because in the last 3 years I have moved 3 different tenants out of the neighboring apartment and sit vacant today.

Don't you wish you had my job? :)

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