It's time we have THE "talk"

>> Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Okay my blog readers.
Please take a seat and avoid eye contact at all costs.
I think it is time that we have the talk.
You know, the talk.

I still remember when I had the talk with my mom
Even though I wish I could forget....

But, we are all adults so I feel it is time.

Today my subject matter is that of a mature nature.
It has to do with sex
(is it immature that I let out a little giggle when I typed that...don't answer)

But the truth is that as an apartment manger I get a great deal of people complaining about their neighbors...doing their thing so to speak.
(immature giggle again).
(okay I am done)

I have heard phrases like
"it was scaring my baby"
"all night long...honestly all night"
there was also
"can't they go inside their apartment instead of their patio?"
and then there was
"I thought a cat was dying!"

By far the best sex complaint I have ever received came almost three years ago when I first took over management at my current complex.

It was from a younger tenant who had recently moved in. She came in looking completely sleep deprived and extremely agitated. She went on to explain that not only does she have to listen to screaming and headboards banging but that it went on almost every night all night long.
She used words like "unnatural" and "unhealthy"

I knew I had never met her neighbors and I was not crazy about our first meeting being of this nature. But it's the name of the game. I know way more about some of my tenants then I ever wanted to.

I head right over to the...ahem...noisy neighbors. A sweet older woman who was well into her 60's possibly 70's answers the door. She is SO excited to meet me and quickly runs to her kitchen and grabs a plate of cookies. Her husband is sitting in a recliner watching fishing or golfing or maybe Wheel a Fortune...anyways, he throws his hand up and to acknowledge my presence.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting but this certainly was not it.

There were so many things running through my mind...
"what is your secret?"

"Could of lived my entire life without this new mental image running through my mind"

"Shouldn't you be getting more sleep?"

She then began telling me about how she has a granddaughter just about my age.
We chatted for a few minutes and I took a cookie and left. Chicken.

Then their neighbor came in and complained again two days later so I was forced to face the issue. I approached the door again and the sweet woman answered the door again with her husband sitting in his chair watching the same sort of show. I simply and quickly asked if she could possibly put something behind her headboard in order to prevent it from hitting the wall.

She looked at me puzzled.

I thought I was pretty clear. So I reiterrated with telling her that some neighbors can hear her headboard against the wall and if she could pull it back a few inches then it shouldn't be a problem.

Again puzzled look.

She then invited me in to show her what exactly I was talking about.
Maybe a normal person would have declined such an offer...

I entered her room and noticed that they had a big heavy wooden headboard on their king size bed. I went over and gave the headboard a little push and it went banging against the wall. I look at her and I could see the look of realization coming to her face.

She gave me a little smile and grabbed a little crochet pillow that had a cat on it and stuffed it between the headboard and the wall. I gave the bed another push and this time it did not bang against the wall. We smiled at each other and she offered me another cookie and I left.

These tenants are in fact still here and still going strong because in the last 3 years I have moved 3 different tenants out of the neighboring apartment and sit vacant today.

Don't you wish you had my job? :)


Amy and Kyle December 10, 2009 at 9:18 AM  

I can't handle it...outta control over there!!!

Brittney December 10, 2009 at 3:35 PM  

Ugh! I'll never forget when I was asst. manager of an apartment complex and one of our leasing consultants complained of her neighbors. The neighbor happened to be a newscaster at one of our local stations. I still cannot watch her on tv without giggling!

Erin December 10, 2009 at 3:36 PM  

Thank you for that Brittney it gave me a good laugh.

Kellie December 13, 2009 at 3:07 PM  

ooooooooooh MAN!!!! I'm DYING over here!!!

♥Barbara♥ December 13, 2009 at 7:46 PM  

I think I may have pee'd a little. Mental image of the smile she must have had when she stuffed the cat behind her headboard. That's funny!

hotpants™ December 14, 2009 at 11:06 AM  

I'm visiting from Karen's blog. This is hilarious!

GunDiva January 2, 2010 at 12:15 PM  

That is hilarious and I don't envy you in the least! Thanks for sharing!

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