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Have you ever been in an argument with someone, and during your mind is a mush of nonsense, and then ten minutes afterward you can think of exactly what you should have said?

Well, I don't often, if ever,  have those moments.

My mind is a pile of mush until I get in a debate with someone. Then my brain flips on, and I can come up with fast responses that are often sharp, mean, cutting and filled with sarcasm.

It's actually a curse.

Trust me.

Or you can ask the crazy guy that lives up the hill, or the mean lady that was behind us at the grocery store, or the clerk with an attitude....

See, I'm a terrible person.

I'm trying to control it.

However, I will say that my curse came in handy as an apartment manager.

For example...

A tenant hands in her thirty-day notice to vacate. She's on a month to month, so there isn't much I can say except for good luck. 

She on the other hand, has plenty to say, as she informs me of her expectation to receive her full deposit back on the day she moves out. When I probe as to why she feels entitled to such, she goes on to explain it is because she does not have a patio. According to her, the advertisement that led her here promised a spacious studio with an attached patio. She felt the previous manager was deceitful—falsely advertising a patio just to rent an apartment without care for the emotional wreckage such a lie would create. Apparently, this poor tenant has been on the verge of emotional ruin over this betrayal for the past two years, and receiving her $300 deposit would solidify her fragile nerves.

It takes every ounce of will power I have not to pull out my imaginary violin, and accompany her emotional tale of deceit. Instead, I question her if she happened to look at the apartment before renting it, which of course she did. I then ask if the little old lady that used to manage the property, manhandled her into signing a lease for an apartment she didn’t want. Understanding her points were not making a dent, she decides to come at me with a more logical scenario.

“(old manager) promised she would get me a patio after I moved in.”

I stare at her. “Just so I have this straight. You are telling me that (old manager) promised to spend thousands of dollars to remodel your apartment? That your tenancy was so important, that she was willing to reconstruct the entire building just so you would rent here?” I suddenly place the exact location of her unit. “Wait, you do have a patio.”

“It’s not private, it’s shared, and it over looks the courtyard.”

Mentally slaps forehead. “As opposed to what? The parking lot? Did you expect an ocean view when you live next to an Edison substation about three cities in from the ocean?” 

"Need I remind you that I am in law school," she countered. 

I think this was supposed to scare me. 

Boo!

"Need I remind you that that only means you don't have enough knowledge of reality to be a real lawyer yet."

"I will bring you the ad that specifically said that this apartment came with a patio."

"Well, I believe that thing protruding from the sliding glass door in your apartment,  is classified as a patio." Maybe the Edison Power Station does zap away brain cells after all.

End result....verdict in favor of the only sane person in this case(Me)