TMI to the fifth degree

About three weeks after becoming an apartment manager I developed a coin phrase.

"I could have happily lived my entire life without the piece knowledge."

I find myself saying this at least once a week as tenants/vendors and perspective tenants feel the need to unfold personal information I really did not need to know.

I mean really really did not need to know.

Oh you know I have some examples.

I was touring the property and this person asked to see the "gym. "

Once inside our lovely "gym" this person sat down on the bench lift thing(can you tell I use it often) and announced the only thing missing was a television.

This way he could watch his porn while working out.

And no hint of joking in his voice.

Ugh!?

See, I could have happily lived my entire life without that piece of knowledge.

(would the story make you cringe more if I said it was my bosses boss?)

(...cringes with remembrance.....yuck....)

I have a tenant who is kind of smelly(okay really smelly) and loves to talk and I mean LOVES to talk. When I see this tenant coming I quickly look busy in order to avoid an hour long conversation.

But even if I am on the phone he will simply stand at the counter and wait for me to finish or just go into his conversation anyways.

He will go on and on about religion, politics and how secret cameras are watching us at all times....yada yada yada.

Once he was talking to me about the President is ruining his health, when he started maneuvering his pants and then exclaimed he had a hemroid the size of a tennis ball.

Ugh!

Why oh why did you think I wanted to know that?

Even though I really really didn't want to a mental image popped into my head and I have been trying to erase it ever since....ahhh there it is again....make it go away.

I could have seriously very happily lived my entire life without that piece of knowledge.

See I an apartment manager.

I am not a doctor

I am not a family therapist

I am not your mother

I am not your best friend

I just want to rent you an apartment

I just want to collect your rent

So please please oh please don't tell me about your rashes, hemoroids, porno problems, your history with IBS, and your recent labiaplasy.

Small talk only please.

Pretty please.