Stories from Apartment Managers

I am a real estate mogul...or an apartment manager same thing.

2011-11-21T13:42:00.000-08:00

First let me say it doesn't matter what you do for a living as long as you pay rent and aren't a problem.

I have even had a stripper who was actually a wonderful tenant.

But I am not going to lie.

I love to rent to doctors.

They usually have great credit, they are never home and usually cause little to no problems.

So I was showing this woman an apartment.

She had a little baby and her mother with her.

As we are showing the apartment she tells me that her husband is in medical school and she is a nurse.

We start chatting about kids, weather and life in general.

I mention my husband is in dental school and she mentions her husband goes to the Junior College right down the street but he wants to go to medical school someday.

I didn't feel the need to explain that wanting to go to medical school is a lot different than actually being in medical school.

She also mentions that she is a dental hygienist.

Not a nurse but I guess you could consider yourself a dental nurse??

So as I am handing her the applications to fill out she tells me that she is a dental assistant.

Okay.

Seriously.

I never asked what they did for a living.

She offered all the information up.

SoI look over the application and as it turns out she is a part time secretary at a dentist office and he is a tattoo artist who goes to school at night.

Now there is NOTHING wrong with either.

Besides the fact they had horrible credit, income was way below our requirements and I generally don't like renting to liars.

Give me space

2011-11-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

Remember this couple that live in my friend D( a fellow apartment manager) complex?

Well apparently they decided to stay together.

Shocker.

Well D's complex is made up of one bedroom and studios.

There is however two 2 bedroom apartments.

The managers and the one right below it.

It has been occupied for years.

So one day the volatile lady asks if that two bedroom is open.

D replies that it's not but she will let her know if it comes open.

The thing is that now the volatile couple call once a week or so to see if there is any word on that two bedroom.

Which would only be slightly annoying if they didn't call between the hours of 10 and 11pm.

Which coincidentally seems to be the time of night they have their most heated "discussions"

So basically every time they get in a fight they want a bigger apartment.

Tent City

2011-10-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

When you manage an apartment complex, especially one that borders the ghetto you more than likely have had a run in with the homeless.

Hey I am not one to judge.

If you want to be homeless that's your choice...is homeless the politically correct word??

Maybe the devotee to outdoor living?

Anyways.

We had a group of vagabond people move in to the Edison field located right next to us.

The group consisted of

2 adult men

1 person(could never tell the exact gender and I mean that in a totally politically correct way)

not really sure why I feel the need to be so pr today?

1 woman

4 dogs

PLUS they had two tents

A BBQ pit

Some mattresses

A bike

And like 6 Target carts you know the ones that have the "sensors" that apparently go off when you cross that big yellow line?

Anyways

They really were making themselves right at home.

Now I realize that these could be ex-convicts

Or they could be wanted fellons

Or maybe they were the jurors from the Casey Anthony trial trying to find refuge

Or maybe they are NBA players since they are out of work right now and clearly don't make enough money

Or maybe it's the Lohan family

Or maybe they are just homeless...I mean Permanent Address Impaired

I found them rather annoying but every single call I made to the police resulted in nothing.

The police would come find their little city they had created but apparently no one was home so they did nothing.

Then my boss came upon the little city the Domicile Challenged family had created and became obsessed with the removal of them all their dogs and their carts.

So I called the police...again.

Nada

I call Edison and I am transfered to about 100 different people until I finally leave a voicemail for someone named Robert.

Robert calls me and asks if I was wanting to book the lot for a movie production.

People really film movies on Edison lots?

News to me.

I tell him that I would like to make a movie about Tent City popping up in their field.

He didn't think I was funny, but said he would work on it.

About four days later a chain was put up between two poles.

WOW

Thank you Edison.

I am sure once all of The Residentless see that big scary chain they wont just walk over it, around it, or under it they will simply turn around and find another Edison field to reside in.

Because it's not like there is a 4 foot gap between the pole and the fence.

Seriously?

As suspected by anyone with half a brain the chain did nothing and even more tents and more houseless people moved in.

Now the thing about me is when I am on a mission I am simply obsessed.

So I called the police...again.

Nada.

Again

Nada

I called so much that the operator and I were on first name basis.

No joke.

Her name is Veronica.

So one day the police were visiting our property for a whole different reason and post and I told the officer about tent city.

He said he patrolled the area often and had not seen it.

I was baffled.

I asked if he had ever drivin onto the Edison lot

He said no because there is a chain up.

Seriously!?

So he walks over to the field and I do a little victory dance.

Because you have to realize that my boss comes down once a week and asks me why they are still there

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME

The police officer comes over after about 10 minutes and explains that there was just one woman there and he asked her to leave.

BUT

She said she couldn't leave because she was too overweight.

So the officer informed me that her family should be "home" soon and she would leave.

That's it!?

So the officer leaves and I kid you not that same overweight woman came out of the Edison field riding her bike.

As it turns out the whole crew did move their camp.

Yep moved it further back into the Edison field so they weren't so visible.

Whatever, I gave up.

Fast forward three months later and I get some dude from the city health department saying that they found a tremendous amount of feces and urine in the reservoir that runs behind the complex.

(yes the property is next door to an Edison field and infront of a reservoir but I promise it's nice)

The guy was all upset as if I was going back there to take a crap during my down time.

I explained the....okay I can't think of anymore names so let's just call them homeless.

I explained the homeless people who reside in the field.

This dude was pissed and asked me if I had ever called the police.

slap head...ugh

So he called the police.

Then I gave him Roberts aka Mr. Hollywood to see if he can maybe put like a sign that says

" Pretty P\please don't live here" because that would be about as productive as his chain.

Long story short....they are still there.

PS-Don't drink the water.

What I have been up to...

2011-09-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

Eviction

Overweight Homeless woman on bike

Poop in the water system

Fire Ants

Dead Batteries

Police Officers

Hit N Run

The Volatile couple strike again

I decide to quit

I change my mind

I change it again

Someone breaks into the office

Crazy Mercedes Guy

"stolen" Engine

Judge Judy

Dead Guy

That sort of sums up the last couple months.

What have you been up to?

Dr. McStupid

2011-02-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

My complex is near several teaching hospitals therefor I have a lot of medical residents that live here.
It actually makes for a very quiet complex due to the fact that medical residents are almost never home.
I also feel good in the fact that between all the doctors and nurses here we should be covered in a medical emergency.
Although there is one of my tenants who I would surely run right past his door if I were in need of a doctor.
The funny part is that he is actually a neurosurgeon.
You know like Dr. McDreamy....without the good looks, personality and...well he is nothing like McDreamy.
When he moved in I was actually impressed with his application.
He went to all the really well known prestigious schools and had traveled all over the country and world.

So he moves in.
The day after he moves in he calls me and tells me he has a problem.
I go over there and he turns on the light switch in the bedroom and complains it's broken.
I ask him what it is he would like to happen when he turned the light switch on.
He says he would like there to be light.
I explain that you must plug something into the wall for the light switch to work as there was no light fixture in the room.

Then a few weeks later he comes and complains that when he takes a shower the water is always leaking out of the shower making a big mess on the floor.
I go in to check it out and notice that he has no shower curtain.
I explain that a shower curtain would prevent this from happening.
He looked at me like I just cured the common cold.
Really?

Then a few weeks back I was walking by his apartment and he stopped me to complain that the water doesn't stay very hot on the weekends.
I asked him why just on the weekends.
He explains that it's probably because so many people are using the hot water then.
He then went on to say that he just takes a shower at work on the weekends in order to get sufficient amount of hot water.
I then walk into his apartment and into his closet and show him the water heater sitting right there.
I go on to tell him that he has his own water heater so what his neighbors are doing has nothing to do with his water temp.
He looked at me and asked if our maintenance man could come take a look at it then because it doesn't work on Saturdays and Sundays.

Apparently common sense isn't required in neurology.

I am back!

2011-02-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

I have been busy repopulating the earth.
Because if there is one thing this world needs more of it's people.
Right?
While on my break I have been keeping a journal of stories to tell.
And now that my hormones have calmed down a bit I can actually articulate these stories without using profanity.
Because profanity doesn't get anyone to pay the rent.
Most of the time.

So I have a tenant who is...weird.
And I am putting it nicely.
He doesn't cause trouble.
He pays his rent.
He is generally quiet.
But just weird.
Anyways.

So I get a call on my emergency line.
If you recall the only time using the emergency line is okay is if there is Fire, Flood or Blood
(and in the blood case please call 9-1-1 first...well actually now that I think about don't call me at all)
Okay so let's just say it's okay to call in the case of Fire and Flood.
When he called he said that there was a HUGE flood in his apartment.
He stated that water was flowing down from the apartment above and soaking his kitchen.
If I went by his description you would think he needed to start constructing an arc for goodness sakes.
I have done this job long enough.
So instead of running out the door I simply called my Maintenance Man to go see.
My Maintenance Man informs me that there is a little dribble coming from upstairs.
Turns out a water pipe for the dishwasher broke and it was repaired and we went about our day.
Late that night the tenant comes in and explains he would like to be compensated for his items that were ruined during this "flood"
When I inquired as to what was damaged he explained and I quote
"A box of cereal and a box of PopTarts for my kids"
Seriously!?
I love that he threw in "for my kids" as if his kids will go hungry if they don't have their PopTarts or cereal.
I should also add that he has his kids two days a month.
I should also add that the box of cereal was already half gone and there was only one package of PopTarts left.

I just had to leave him for a moment and go inside my apartment and laugh.
Luckily my husband was home so we could laugh together.
My husband suggested we give him a bag of our Joe-O's cereal to compensate for his loss.

What got me was how incredibly serious he was about this.
So I asked what he had in mind.
He said $15.
Gesh.
Talk about inflation.
PopTarts and generic corn flakes have really gone up.
I explained he could get the depreciated value of his loss.
So I offered him $1
I would have gone up to $2
But he took it.

It's a sad day...

2010-09-03T14:31:00.001-07:00

When you have to pass out notices to all the tenants asking them to STOP trying to jam Chuck-E-Cheese tokens into the washers.

Once upon a hormonal night...

2010-08-30T20:54:00.001-07:00

I appreciate the emails of concern
I even appreciate the emails telling me to get my butt(or various forms of the word) in gear.
I am growing multiple babies in my belly and we recently had a few sickness and deaths in the family so unfortunately something had to give.
I personally wanted it to be laundry, dishes and my job.
Then I would have been the best blogger ever.
But apparently I was the only one who felt this was a good idea.
My husbands priorities are so backwards sometimes.
But it seems that for the time being life has calmed down a bit and I can resume my blogging duties.
(note to all family and friends please stay healthy and alive for at least the remainder of the year I don't think I can take much more, plus I am running out of vacation time)

But just because I was forced to work as well as do various other mundane chores around the house while grieving, growing babies and helping the sick I still jotted down several stories to share.

So here is something that happened the other night.

Evey morning I get a report form the drive by "security guards"(and I always use that term loosely).
I knew something was up because the report was 2 pages long with a lot of highlights.
As it turns out the night before someone had come and broken all the sprinklers in the front.
Then they broke into my personal garage which the security guard closed for me.
Then they "broke" into a tenants car(and I say "broke" because the tenant had their windows down and their car unlocked).
After reading the report I started doing clean up to see what other damage besides the sprinklers was done.
After examining my garage I noted that a big bag of old maternity clothes I didn't want and was donating to Good Will was missing. Not a big deal saved me a trip actually.
I went and talked to the tenant who left their car open and windows down and she said the only thing missing was her breast pump.
Even though her expensive sunglasses, wallet(um...hello?!) and ipod was in the car.

So putting it all together
Broken sprinklers + missing maternity clothes + missing breast pump....the answer seemed incredibly obvious to me!

There was a crazy newly lactating women on the lose!
If you ever lactated then you would know it can make you a little crazy.

In my mind I pictured this women, probably in her early thirties running through the sprinklers due to a recently brought on hot flash from her crazy non-involved baby daddy. Yet as she was just starting to cool down the sprinklers when off causing her to go into a fit of rage thus breaking each sprinkler head. Once done she was soaked, and not being able to fit into her normal clothes yet she went in search for something to wear thus stumbling across my maternity clothes. Then once she was cooled down and dressed she realized she needed to pump and she needed to pump fast thus taking the breast pump.
My story seemed to logical.
The police didn't think so.
But they were guys so I didn't expect them to understand.
But as it turns out they recovered all missing items from a 12 year olds apartment in the building next door.

I don't think I want to know what a 12 year old was doing with a breast pump.

My freaking post

2010-07-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

As of late I have been feeling oh so sick cooking up a few babies in my belly, taking care of the ones that are already out of my belly and 200+ tenants who often act like babies.

I have been meaning to post but life has been rather busy.

Sorry to keep you all waiting.

I was pleasantly reminded today that this here blog has been sitting neglected for a month now by an oh so nice Anon Commentor who said...

"are you ever gonna freaking post again? Might as well just delete the damn thing since you never post anything anymore."

Thank you Anon for reminding me of something I have been meaning to post about.

One thing I have noticed in life but especially during my years as an apartment manager is that people LOVE to complain, moan and groan BUT never and I mean almost never want anyone to know it's them.

I see it a lot on blogs when people feel the need to say something nasty but never use their sign in account.

I find this a lot here on the property. People come in and complain up the yahoo about their neighbors but they tell me that they do NOT want me to tell their neighbor they are the ones that complain.

First off I don't know why they can't simply go down and in a non confrontational way ask their neighbor to stop doing such annoying activities. Because I PROMISE you when I go to your neighbor and say my usually

" I have received a few complaints that your stomping around your apartment is really loud"

The first thing this person does is get defensive and want to know who complained. Then it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure out which neighbor has no balls...oops I mean complained to the manager and thus causing animosity between neighbors.

The other day one of my....different, yeah let's say different, tenants came in and started off with the usual "I don't mean to be a pain" or "I don't usually complain" (and may I note people who start off saying this are usually the biggest pains in the butt). He then goes on to say that his next door neighbor smokes pot a lot outside on her patio and it goes into his apartment and it's really disgusting and he is getting really sick of it.

I told him I would take care of it because of course I don't want pot heads on the property. Although I certainly would never peg this particular person who happens to be in the medical field(actually a DOCTOR, which is a little disconcerting) to be a pot head. But he quickly jumps on me and says:

"No, please no don't say anything to her she will know it was me who complained and I don't want her to know it's me."

Just to make sure I have this right.
You want to come in and talk to me for a good 20 minutes about how your next door neighbor smokes illegal drugs and it is stinking up your apartment and you have small children and you can't take it anymore BUT you want me to do absolutely nothing about it?

That makes perfect sense because it's a good idea to tell the manger of the property that someone is doing something illegal and expect she do nothing about it.

Let me be honest with you...

2010-06-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

I show a lot of apartments.

It's pretty easy to tell when someone is interested.

It's pretty easy to tell when someone wont qualify

(which has nothing to do with race or gender but usually with smell and lack of shoes/clothing on)

But there is nothing more annoying to me.

NOTHING.

Then when I have someone who would like to see the apartment.

Loves it.

Then would like me to show them the grounds.

The laundry rooms.

The apartment one more time.

Then the pool, gym and carports...twice.

Then they say

"Let me be honest with you..."

BOMB

I can't tell you how many times I have heard that phrase.

What usually followes the "let me be honest with you..." varies

I have had

Let me be honest with you...

I don't have a job right now or any money

I am currently filling for bankruptcy

My roommate is trying to kill me

I am being evicted

etc

Now this is what you LEAD with.

Don't waste my time.

Now my all time favorite "let me be honest with you" moment came from my friend D who is a property manager as well(I think all us property managers have a "let me be honest with you" story)

She was showing an apartment to a nice couple.

They loved the apartment and everything was going very nice until they said it

"Let me be honest with you, we have been evicted from our last two apartments and we put our manager through hell trying to get us out. We probably wont pay rent but we will show you a lot of love."

Well, at least they were honest.

I wonder what manager actually went for it?

The reason for my absence

2010-06-23T20:38:00.001-07:00

I once touched on one of my husbands many(many many etc) hobbies here.

One of his other many passions in life is a little website called Ebay.

I swear at the peak of his ebay obsession he was selling EVERYTHING that we had and some.

Like he would buy random junk from people and list it even if he could make two dollars it was worth it.

He once sold our video camera and decided to throw in ALL our tapes.

So basically some guy in Hawaii has all our home movies.

Creepy much?

Anyways I tell you that little story so I can tell you this one...

About four months after getting hired at this current property I found out I was pregnant.

I knew my boss was not going to be happy about that.

One, because I work from home with a small daughter already and now I was going to add a newborn.

Two, how was I going to show apartments with two children.

A legitimate concern.

So I decided I did not want to tell him.

So I waited and waited.

I hit 20 weeks and started to show a bit and still chickened out every single week when he came down to meet with me.

So one day my boss and I are sitting in the office having our weekely meeting and my husband and daughter where in our apartment.

A woman comes in and says she is there to meet my husband.

Confused I directed her to our door.

About twenty minutes later she comes out followed by my husband.

My husband explains that she was there to look at the futon he listed on ebay.

(the night before I casually mentioned that we should get rid of the futon since we are having a baby and he wasted no time listing it)

The woman tells my boss and I how perfect the futon will be in her house and we make small talk for a few minutes and then right before she leaves she touches my shoulder and says

"oh by the way congratulations on the new baby!"

My mouth drops open my husband whisks her away really quickly and my boss and I sit there in silence for a few minutes.

I guess once outside the woman apologized profusely because it was obvious to her that I had yet to tell my boss and it was obvious to me that my husband used something like

"Having a baby must sell" in his listing.

Needless to say the rest of our meeting was a little awkward.

Not exactly the way you want to break the news to your boss.

So I ask the question...

How do 'i tell your boss I am pregnant with multiple babies???

Coo-Coo

2010-05-31T11:45:00.001-07:00

My husband and I were standing out front of the property stretching for a run.
It was a nice peaceful day.
We were commenting on how quiet our little street is.
Then all of a sudden a guy in his early 20's comes storming out from the next door property.
He goes right for his car that happens to be parked right in front of where we were standing.
As he is entering his car his girlfriend/wife/baby momma(we never really identified her status)comes storming out after him yelling every curse word I have ever heard of and some.
Then he starts the car.
THEN she runs and decides to SIT on his hood with her feet on the ground.
Did she think she could stop the car?
So he starts itching forward and she still stands there with her butt on the hood and her feet on the ground.
The buy continues to rev his engine and I give my husband the "do something look" and he gives me the " I ain't crossing that crazy chick" look.
He then goes forward and she moves out of the way and as he is turning she jumps on the BACK of his car.
My husband then moves forward because you know he is a trained Dentist and he could probably be of some assistance if she broke a tooth or something.
He then peels off and speeds down the street and she picks up her phone apparently calling him and starts screaming "I can't believe you BLEEPING left!"
(I can)
She must be taking notes from this guys book of etiquette.

PS-I saw the same couple making out in the same car just one week later.

Who knew

2010-05-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

You learn something new everyday.
Especially in Apartment Managing.
Except the things you learn every day are often bizarre and leave you saying "who knew"
I found myself saying this this past week when I received a call from a tenant saying that someone threw an apple through her window.
I went back to her apartment and found that someone did in fact throw a large apple through her window sending glass shards everywhere.
I was perplexed at first because this was a downstairs unit with a really large wall in their backyard.
That wall is in fact the backside of the carports to the neighboring complex.
Why in the world would someone throw the apple in this direction?
??
Then the upstairs neighbor came down and took the apple and showed me a burn hole.
I looked at the burn hole then back up at the tenant wanting her to explain why this burn hole explains why this apple would travel over this giant wall into the window.
I was thinking maybe you make some sort of bomb out of an apple and stupid kids were trying to cause a fire?
She explained(in a matter of fact tone as if it's common knowledge and I am the only idiot around that does not know this) that you smoke weed out of an apple.
Who knew?
So I took the apple stuck it in a bag and headed over to visit my nemesis...ahem the manager next door.
I showed her the apple.
She knew right away what it was used for.
She said she would look into it.
So I headed back over to clean up the mess.
When I got back a tenant came up to me and said she sees three guys smoking apples all the time next door and then tosses the apples onto the carport roof.
Which would explain why it ended up in my tenants window.
Apparently these guys forgot their own strength.
I then headed up to the second floor to get a better view of the carport roof.
What did I find when I got there?
A whole slew of apples.
Nice.
Who knew that apple smoking was so popular.
And why do all my tenants know so much about it?

Security

2010-05-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that we have "secuity patrol" here?
If I haven't well....we have security patrol at night.
I use the term secuirity very losely.
Because aparantly if they witness a crime the only thing they are allowed to do is call the police.
Which is what most people would do if they saw a crime, right?
Well most people.
But not me
I have a big mouth, and a short man complex even though I am relatively tall.
These combination's tend to get me in a whole lot of trouble.
Like the time when I was on the high school basketball team and was talking some mad smack to the other team until after the game a group followed me into the bathroom to help me eat my words. Luckily the coach walked in before they could help me with that only to find me locked in the stall in the fetal position with my fingers in my ear. So yeah, basically I am all talk.
Anyways...I digress....I was going somewhere with this...hmmmm.
Oh yes I remember.
So we have a "security patrol" or "service patrol' whatever you like to to call it. I decided that our company was overpriced and unproductive
(a very compelling combination)
So I started looking into other companies to sit in their cars listening to their iPods and get paid.
Upon calling around I found a company who's rates were incredibly reasonable.
The OWNER came out to give me an estimate.
When the gentleman arrived he inquired about an apartment.
I told him we had an apartment open and showed him.
I didn't actually think he was serious but merely trying a sales tactic.
He left me with an estimate and then came back two days later with two applications for him and his wife.
It all seemed fine and dandy...but since I am on here telling this story you know it wasn't.
His credit...crap.
BUT what the real jaw dropper was the fact that he had GRAND THEFT AUTO.
YES GRAND THEFT AUTO
The man who owns a company that protects peoples cars.
AND apparently cars aren't the only thing he loves stealing.
He also had a few counts of petty theft on there as well.
HOLY flip.
I was speechless.
Which happens is a rare occasion.
Needless to say I chose a different company.

Precise Bugs

2010-05-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

To all my tenants who are moving out.

First off I am not an idiot.

I know, I know it's a shocker.

It can be deceiving at times.

But truly I can smell your bull from a mile away.

And guess what?

It smells.

So while doing a move out inspections and I ask you about this giant hole in your wall please oh please do not try to tell me it was caused by termites.

I do understand that termites can cause damage.

But due to the fact that we do termite inspection once a year in every apartment I am thinking they probably would have caught that...

I am also fairly certain that termites don't trace the hole before they start munching away.

I am also pretty sure that the fact that the hole had cables coming out of it which so conveniently connected to your giant flat screen had EVERYTHING to do with termites and NOTHING to do with poor television installation.

And as much as I hate to tell you...

stupidity is not considered normal wear and tear.

A Brothel Death

2010-05-07T08:15:00.001-07:00

My husband has a fish hobby that borders on that fine line between hobby and obsession.

We first started with a 180 gallon fish tank in our room(as to not be seen by our tenants).

That is a LARGE fish tank. We are talking 6 feet long.

Then he added several other small tanks.

His hobby/obsession came to a whole new level when he brought in a giant tank that was just for breeding fish.

(don't worry this all comes together to relate to property management so hang on)

When he brought in this breeding tank I started referring to it as the fish brothel.

Now I told you that to tell you this.

Last night at 3:30am my son came into bed with us which is a major no no with my husband.

Which is kind of ironic because my husband loves fish and my children sleep like fish out of water.

You know limbs flying around every few seconds.

So I am taking my son back to his bedroom when I hear this major commotion going on in the giant tank.

I don't pay to much attention because I am half awake and my sleeping son is in my arms.

When I come back to bed I hear some flopping going on.

I smack my husband a little harder then I wanted to and told him that I think a fish escaped.

He jumped out of bed like I told him the house was on fire and went to the aid of his fish.

He flipped on ALL the bedroom lights and practically dove into the tank.

As he was practically inside the bottom of the tank trying to rescue his fish he was using his cell phone voice(which is about 10 octaves higher than a normal persons voice) calling to the fish as if it would actually respond.

At his point all my children are up.

And I mean UP like laughing and talking and running around the room.

My husband finally rescues his fish and dumps it into the tank.

Then we both try to get the kids down to bed.

They are screaming and calling for me.

My husband and I take turns going in and putting them back in their beds.

I finally succumb to sitting by their bed and waiting for them to fall asleep.

FINALLY they fall asleep almost an hour later.

Phew.

I creep back in bed.

My head hits the pillow and...

RING RING RING RING

It's my office phone.

It's now 4:30 am

I run out to the phone so it would not wake up the children.

I answer it

"HELLO!?"

(you know the hello that says someone better be dying)

"Um yes I was wondering how much your two bedrooms are?"

My usual sarcasm escapes me and I just hang up and turn around to find my son standing there asking for breakfast.

Honestly?

Who calls (mind you it was a local phone number) at 4:30 to ask about apartments.

I have the number saved and I plan on returning her call very early tomorrow morning.

And on a sad side note.

The fish sadly did not make it.

He died a courageous death.

For I believe he had heard about the fish brothel and was making a run for it.

Funeral services were held this morning in the master bathroom.

And an additional service will be held later today when the plumber comes to snake our drain because you should NOT flush a 10 inch fish down the toilet

Normal Wear and Tear

2010-05-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the brief delay in postings.

Everyone and their mother is moving out and moving in right now so I am actually having to work.

I KNOW, how horrible is that?

Honestly.

Anyways.

Doing all these move outs got me to thinking.

It seems that every person has a different definition of normal wear and tear.

SO I took it upon myself to clarify.

First off if you live in an apartment less than 6 months then you should have no wear and tear.

End of story.

Really, End of Story.

If your child colors all over the walls that is NOT considered normal wear and tear.

I don't care how or which way you try to twist it(my child's an artist, you have children you should know, it's normal to color on the wall..) you gonna get charged.

Just because a stain wont come up doesn't mean that it's normal wear and tear. For example this weird goop on the floor that smelled kind of like death rolled in mustard is just a nasty stain there is nothing normal about it....

Although I do appreciate you leaving your nasty broom with the death rolled mustard all over it to show that you attempted cleaning it up.

If you have lived in a place for awhile you are going to get high traffic area stains. That is normal and I would agree that you shouldn't be charged for that.

However high traffic areas are usually just worn looking carpet maybe a shade darker then the rest of the carpet...

High traffic areas usually don't have shades of pink and poo stains.

I will continue my list tomorrow.

I must go bathe in Purell

PS-I personally believe a portion of your security deposit should go to me for having to go and assess your nasty mess.

"Accent Wall"

2010-04-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

I finally rented this apartment only to receive 5 more notices to vacate!
Honestly.
Why do people like to move?
Anyways.
I am doing a massive about move-out inspections which are always so much fun.
(note sarcasm)
Tenants get really defensive when you start asking about giant black spots on carpet, holes in walls or black toilets.
This is when every person no matter what their financial status is has a "lawyer" that is apparently standing by anxiously awaiting to take on the case of the $50 dollar cleaning charge.
They obviously have no idea that this property is run by a huge team of lawyers.
Crazy lawyers.
Lawyers do not scare me.
All these earthquakes, now those scare me.
Spiders scare me.
The move Signs gave me nightmares for years.
But lawyers.
Nope doesn't scare me.

So I was walking a tenants apartment and the first thing I notice is that they decided to paint an accent wall in their bedroom a dark maroon.

I tell them that they will need to repaint that or I will have to charge them and that the charge will probably be a good penny because it's such a dark color and will require primer and a few coats.

They try to convince me to just leave it as a nice accent wall. You know as a good selling point.
Which honestly I would be more inclined to do if they used some tape when painting it not leaving paint on the ceiling, the bottom portion white and not to mention that the wall gradually get's darker as you go left to right.

I tell them no, I wont leave it.

Then they try to tell me that it's normal wear and tear and I can't charge them.

I explain that badly painting a wall is not considered normal wear and tear.

Then they do it....oh I was hoping that they wouldn't...but they did... they pulled the well "I am going to have to consult with my lawyer on that "card.
I hate when tenants who I genuinely like do that.

So I snap closed my file and tell them to please go ahead and consult with their lawyer as a matter of fact please please have your lawyer call me I would be more than happy to speak with him and even direct him to the 5 lawyers that we have.

Then I walk out.
(I love having the last word)

Still haven't heard from their "lawyer'

Where is my car!?

2010-04-19T20:54:00.000-07:00

Last Monday I had one of our tenants who I very rarely see come stomping into my office visibly upset. He comes up and pounds his fist on my counter and tells me that he just went out to his car and it is not there.

Oh crap!

Now see the property is not responsible for any cars but it still reflects poorly when cars go missing. I ask him if it's possible that he parked it in a different spot, which I know is a stupid question but I am buying myself a few seconds to figure out what I am going to say or do next.

He looks at me like I am a complete idiot and goes off on me about how I am a horrible manager, the place is crap and the washing machines aren't working.

Which is news to me because I had just used them earlier that day. But he is upset and I understand that when people get upset they tend to get stupid(present company not excluded).

I decide to walk out to the parking lot to his parking space just to confirm that yes the car is gone.

I look at the nightly report from our "security guards" and there is nothing there.

I ask him if I can look at the video to see if something happened. I didn't say he should call the police(even though that is exactly what I would do) because I try to keep the cops as far away as possible from the property. The last thing I need after this incident and this incident to have more police showing up. There is already too much gossip going around here right now.

So I sit down and go through hours of film on our cameras which is about as much fun as watching paint dry.

After about 8 hours of film(which I obviously watched in super speed) I notice a tow truck coming in, the man get's out and looks around the parking lot. He then comes to this tenants car checks the paper, then checks the car and then...tows it right off the property.

Hmmm...

So I go to the tenants apartment.

He answers the door with his ticked off face on ready to let me have it again.

But...haha!...I have on my "smart assery" face and asked him if he happened to be late on his car payments.

His ticked face dropped to a "Oh S...." face.

What happens in Vegas...stays on your credit report

2010-04-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

I had a great tenant move in over a year ago.

He was super clean

Excellent credit

Very Quiet

He came to me one day and said he might need to move out.

When I asked why he said it was because he had gotten married.

I was surprised since just two weeks earlier we changed his locks because he broke up with his girlfriend.

He explained he met her in Vegas that weekend and they got married.

He even brought her in to meet me.

So 30 days later he moved out.

5 months later he came back.

He said he was getting a divorce and loved it here and wanted to move back.

I ran his application,

His credit had taken a nasty turn for the worse.

He had some collection accounts on there.

BUT he was a good tenant prior so I wasn't that worried.

Then the cops came yesterday.

They asked if he lived here.

I said he did.

They waited for him...all day...eight hours...

Then they came with a search warrant....I let them in....they didn't find anything apparently...but they made a big mess...

When I talked to him today he just looked at me shook his head and said he should have never married his stripper.

Probably not.

Some Advice from one property manager to another

2010-04-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

You never really know how a tenant is going to be until you move them in.
See this person, this person and this person all seemed great on paper and made a wonderful first impression.
But don't we all??
Well most of us anyways.
Here we do the normal credit/background check which gives us the basic info.
I find that collect accounts to cell phone companies and California Edison seem to be red flags.
But someone could pay all their bills and still be a total A$$.
But thanks to the wonderful public access court websites, facebook and blogs I can see a person true identity.
So to the person who applied today with good credit but with no rental references...you should probably remove the giant marijuana leaf and picture of you with a giant bong off of your myspace page.
I am just sayin.

PS- To all those managers out there try this website it will give you a full background on your perspective tenants.

Adventures in Advertising

2010-04-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

I handle all the advertising for the property.
I pick which websites we use.
I write up the description.
I monitor them online if not every day, every other day.
So basically I KNOW what is being advertised.

But almost every single day I get a call or someone coming in saying that we are advertising something different.
"I saw online that you have three bedrooms."
"Sorry we don't but three bedrooms, I do have two bedrooms though."
"No it says right here you have three bedrooms!"
Why argue with me!?
You would think I would know if we had three bedrooms or not.
Do they think I will take another look around and find a three bedroom hiding in the corner?

Or I get..
"I am looking at your advertisement right now and it says that your studios are $700."
"Well, I am not sure where you are looking but I do all the advertising and our studios are $950.00"
"No you are advertising them at $700 so you have to give it to me at $700."
What the....I don't have to give you anything.

I love this...
"Do you take section 8 housing(low income)?"
"No, sorry we don't"
"But it says online that you do."
"Well, I don't know where you are looking but we do not offer it."
"But it says you do right here so you must."
Honestly.
Do you really think it's a good idea to believe everything you read on the internet?

Or I love when people call and ask me how much our apartments are and when I tell them they say something along the lines of...
"What! That is ridiculous! How can you possibly charge that much for an apartment. That is robbery!"

Well first off I am waaaaay less the our neighboring apartments.
Second, you don't have to rent here then.
Thirdly, move out of California.
Fourthly, how is renting an apartment at market value robbery?

Just when you think you have heard it all...

2010-04-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

I was doing a walk through with a tenant who is moving out shortly.
The carpet was in perfect condition.
The walls looked untouched.
The place was perfectly clean.
I then head into the bedroom.
There right at the head of his bed was a giant hole.
I had to ask.

He told me that he was doing "power stretches" in bed and accidentally put his hand through the wall.

huh?

I wanted to ask but didn't what exactly a "power stretch" was...but I do have a few guesses.

Three words: Crochet Cat Pillow

Drama!

2010-04-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

It was a crazy morning.

I had to get my daughter to preschool.

My son over to his friends house.

Back home to frantically clean my house.

My boss arrived we spent time looking at the collapsed roof in one of our apartments due to a water leak.

Then we came back to my apartment went over a few numbers.

I then rushed over to pick up my son.

Said a hello, good bye, thank you gotta go...

I arrived on time to pick up my daughter from preschool

(we are charged $1 for every minute we are late)

I get the kids in my car and take a deep breath.

(inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale...inhale...ring, ring ring)

It's my phone.

I look at the number.

It's this guy who subsequently didn't move.

But he had been quiet.

And let's face it, I would rather have a ticking time bomb of a tenant than a vacancy.

I decided to ignore the phone call since I would be back at the property in 5 minutes.

I pull around the corner

I see FIVE cop cars and my maintenance man in the middle.

Oh crap.

I want to run up and ask them all to leave.

I don't care what the problem is I just need you all to leave.

Do you know how bad it looks to have so many cop cars in front of your property?

Plus I had a 1:00 appointment and I am still trying to unload this.

I talk to my maintenance man(who might I add is by far my favorite maintenance man I have had...and yes I have been through a few) and he explains the turn of events.

He had gone back to Mr. Hyde's apartment to do some repairs that they had do to a slab leak(which is like the F word in Property Management)

Mr. Hyde's girlfriend was upset about who knows what and sent him away.

So my maintenance man left and decided to go to Home Depot to pick up a few things for another apartment.

Then Mr. Hyde comes storming out of his apartment and is yelling at my MM(Maintenance Man...I am a little lazy)

He is going off on how they should be a priority and why doesn't he come fix his apartment.

My MM explained that he was just there but his girlfriend sent him away.

Then Mr. Hyde gets in my MM face and starts going on about how my MM should make him a priority and should be in his apartment before any others.

And let me add that when Mr. Hyde get's mad he is the most out of control, frantic, unrational(which apparently isn't' a word but it should be) person I have EVER seen in my entire life.

Then my MM who was trying to keep his cool decided to tell him to take it up with me and got in his car to leave.

Then Mr. Hyde decided to stand in front of my MM car and pace back and forth telling him he needed to get out of the car and talk to him.

My MM tried to get him to move.

But he wouldn't.

SO my MM called 9-1-1

Which resulted in a flippin swat team which is ironic because when I called about this or even this one cop showed up like 30 minutes later...whatever...anyways...

Of course my 1:00 o'clock shows up right on time and shocker they decide not to rent the apartment.

Now I am upset.

After all the cops leave without Mr. Hyde I had my MM sit down in the lobby and calm down and went back to Mr. Hyde's apartment with a notice to vacate in hand.

He answers the door with his girlfriend with the most evil smile that reminded me of the Joker.

He tells me that he thinks my MM is on drugs and all he wanted to do was talk.

Wacko.

But as I was standing there listening to him I realized how incredibly proud of myself I was.

In the past I would have started yelling back, got a little too emotional and I would have let this event completely ruin my day and spent the night talking about how much I want to quit my job.

Instead as he was standing there talking his crazy nonsense I kept my cool

I was completely rational.

Then Mr. Hyde tells me that he thinks it was completely over reacting for my MM to call 9-1-1.

(coming from the king of overreacting himself)

I tell him that I agree I personally would not have called 9-1-1..

I would have slammed on my gas and run him over.

He looked at me with that half laugh like I had made a joke.

But I shook my head and said

Nope I am serious.

Very serious.

I would have run you over.

So consider yourself lucky.

Now get the H off my property.

I did NOT wake up at 5am with complaints about a homeless man using our bbq's. Nope not today!

2010-04-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up looked at the clock and it was 9:00AM!

I could hardly believe that my children had slept in!

They haven't slept in past 7:00am since...well since ever.

Then I go to open the office since I was supposed to open and 9 (oops!) and I see a plethora of rent checks sitting in the rent box.

Not only that but the painters that I had scheduled for today came first thing in the morning and actually painted the entire apartment with real paint. Not the *90/5/5 mixture that they normally use.

Then the wacko in the back whom the cops were called on yesterday because he went a little bonkers on my maintenance man decided to just move out last night. So I didn't even have to go serve him the 3 day notice to vacate and then find a place to hide after all!

Then to top it all off I stepped on the scale this morning and I mysteriously lost 10lbs!

Oh yeah and I am pregnant with triplets!

What a great day this is turning out to be!

*90% water/5% paint/5% vegetable oil

(but this is just an educated guess)

Spider Neck Tattoo

2010-03-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

It was my day off (don't all good stories start with that?)

My husband was out power washing all the walk ways of the complex.

My daughter was napping.

The house was quiet.

So I decided to strap on some gloves and deep clean my apartment.

I was sitting in my recliner watching Sense and Sensibility with my gloves on when I heard a knock.

It was the girl from the aparapment a few doors next to mine.

She says...

"There is some guy trying to break into my apartment."

Me-"There is a guy breaking into your apartment right now or this happened earlier?"

Girl-"No right now. I was in my apartment and some guy was in my backyard trying to open my sliding door telling me to open it."

Me-"Did you call the cops?"

Girl- "No I thought I would let you know"

Oh yeah that makes perfect. You know because I am totally not the type of person to run and lock myself in the bathroom when crazy guys come pounding on my door.

I grab the phone and call 9-1-1 as I am walking out the door a skinny white guy with a huge spider web tattoo on his neck come out of an apartment riding a bike with a laptop in the front basket.

I look up and my husband is up on the second floor walkway right above us power washing. I yell for my husband and he looks at me like I had three heads and was streaking through the courtyard. I point to the skinny spider tattoo dude riding the bike and he looks at the guy then at me and then at the guy then at me as if he had no idea who any of us were. I guess it didn't help that the power washer sounds like a regurgitating walrus.

The skinny spider web tattoo guy takes off on the bike and my husband seems to finally snap back to earth and realizes what is going on and takes off after the guy. I then walk into the apartment that tattoo guy came out of and notice that the back sliding door door is open and it looks like he grabbed everything of value he could on his way out.

My husband did not catch the guy.

That was NOT a fun phone call to make to the poor girl that lived in that apartment. She came home to find her laptop, bike, phone, and printer all gone.

The police show up.

I give a full detailed report of the incident.

So did Einstein over here who thought it would be better to go over to the managers place then call the cops.

I tell police officers that it was a Caucasian man around 25 years old, maybe 125 pounds with a shaved head and a spider web tattoo on his neck.

Pretty clear.

Right?

Later that night I get a call from the police officer and he said he had a picture line up he would like me to look at.

They informed me that they were pretty sure they had caught the guy.

I was very excited.

I was hoping my poor tenant would get back her stuff.

The police officer shows up at my door.

He hands me the photo line up.

I take a look.

But I didn't have to look hard to know that non of the men were it.

Because they were all African American.

Uh...hello!?

I then once again give my description to the officer.

He looks down at the line-up and asks me to take another look just to be sure.

I mean honestly.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I can tell the difference.

The police officer comes back again the next day with another photo line up.

I look down at the pictures of 10 different women.

License To Kill

2010-03-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

This one was submitted by PV a fellow property manager....

One day when I was going through one of the buildings in the apartment community I managed doing unit to unit inspections, I came to Mr. Jones' apartment (This is his real last name, and think it is safe to use it as there are only a few Joneses in the world, right?) Mr. Jones had a cat (and I should mention Mr. Jones was not the tidiest of people. He could have been on an upcoming episode ofHoarders on A&E). The community allows cats in the apartments if the resident pays a deposit and signs a pet addendum. Obviously you can see I am heading in the direction of saying Mr. Jones did not have a signed pet addendum or pet deposit on record. You would be correct in that assumption. So, I get back to the office and remind Mr. Jones that we must have his cooperation immediately in getting the deposit and addendum taken care of, or I would have no choice to force him to get rid of the cat, or file for eviction. I also noted that he should contact me if he had any questions or concerns. BIG MISTAKE!

The next morning I pull into the parking lot and as I am walking to the office through the parking lot, who do I see headed straight for the leasing office but Mr. Jones. (Deep breathes, deep breathes, deep breathes). I hate getting in arguments with residents, and knew this one would be a zinger! I make nice and say hello to Mr. Jones, but he isn't taking to my niceties.

He barges into my office right behind me, not letting me take off my jacket, get a cup of coffee, check voicemail...NOTHING. The following is the conversation we had (or something close to it):

Mr. Jones: Why do you hate me? Why are you so mean to me? You're a cat killer!

Me: What do you mean? Because I asked you to follow the rules of the community and pay a pet deposit and sign a pet addendum?

MJ: You can't force me to pay anything. Why don't you fix the problem with the cockroaches in my apartment. I've been dealing with them for months now, and you won't do a damned thing to get rid of them. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your 9 year old daughter be afraid to come over because of the cock roaches.

Me: You have cockroaches? Did you tell me you had cockroaches?

MJ: No. Thats why I have the cat. The cat eats the cockroaches.

Me: So you think I am psychic? You think I know what is going on in each and every one of the 220 apartments 24/7 in this community? And I didn't know cockroaches were natural prey for a cat. Interesting...

MJ: Perhaps...you're a smart A** , you should be smart enough to figure it out.

Me: Smart a**? Believe me Mr. Jones, I am not being a smart ass...yet. You will know when I am being a smart ass.

MJ: You are a smart ass, making me get rid of my cat. I know you get off on being mean to people like that, like forcing them to get rid of their children. You're making me bring it to the humane society and they are going to kill my cat. You're a cat killer!

Me: WHOA! First of all, I am not forcing you to get rid of your cat, you need to pay the deposit and sign the addendum and I would be a happy camper. Second, I have 2 cats of my own, and I know they are like family, I don't have kids, my cats are my kids, so I don't "get off" on forcing others to get rid of their pets. Thirdly, the humane society has a no kill policy...if the cat is able to be adopted out, they will put it up for adoption, unless it is too sick or diseased, they may have to put her down. Fouthly, if you can't afford to pay the $250 deposit right now, I will gladly come up with a payment arrangement for you to pay down the deposit debt. Is there a certain amount you can pay each week or each paycheck? Finally, let me call the pest control people so we can get them to your apartment and start treating for the cockroach problem before they start spreading to other apartments.

(Around this point my Assistant Manager comes in and sits at her desk. My assistant, by the way, hates confrontation even more than I do. She'd much rather crawl in a corner in the fetal position that argue with a resident)

MJ: I can pay $75 every other week to pay it off.

Me: Perfect, I will type something up and send a copy of the agreement to you for you sign and return to the office.

MJ: OK

Me: I will also let you know when the pest control people will be stopping by to begin treatment of your apartment.

MJ: Begin? What do you mean? They won't get it done right away by setting traps?

Me: No, they bait to actually create more activity amongst the cockroaches to draw them through the poison to being back to the nests.

MJ: You're full of $*it!!!!!! You don't know what you're talking about. You think you know everything.

Me: Excuse me? I've dealt with cockroaches in apartments a few times before, and know this is how they treat for them.

MJ: No, they will spray and kill them all.

Me: Yes, eventually they will die, but not right away, it will take 10-14 days, unfortunately.

MJ: You expect me to live like that? Live with cockroaches for 10-14 days? That is completely unacceptable. I am calling the city to have them come and inspect my apartment. There is no way the health department would let this fly. I am also going to get them to revoke your license.

Me: Umm, are you sure you want to start that ball rolling? It wouldn't be the health department coming out, it would be the fire department coming out, I know this because someone else tried doing this last year and it backfired on them. You see, the fire inspector was so disgusted by the cleanliness of the complainants apartment, she made them clean it up! Are you sure you want to go there? I would be happy to give you her number. Oh, and what license are you threatening to have revoked?

MJ: Your real estate license, or what every license you need to do you job that you don't know how to do!

Me: Really, I need a license to do this job? Thats news to me! I have a driver's license...would they take that? How about my license to be fabulous?

Ok, so that last sentence really showed off my smart assery skills. My assistant literally had to get up and leave the room because she was so mortified that I said that. Mr. Jones never did pay his pet deposit. Eventually, a couple months after this all started he moved out. I think he brought the cat and cockroaches with him.

I think smart assery skills is a job requirement.

Thank you for sharing your crazy tenants with us!

False Advertisement

2010-03-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

About three years ago I had a girl move out that was a major pain in my bo-tay.

This was before my "try to find the humor in the craziness" attitude.

So needless to say I was about to pop her in the head or pop a xantax.

The day that she moved out I went up to her apartment to do a walk through.

The apartment was rather dirty and I explained that she could either clean it or I would have to deduct that from her deposit.

Now usually when I say something about deposit deducted I get a variety of arguments.

Some have a point.

Others are pulling everything but the kitchen sink right out of their butts.

But I don't blame them for tryings.

This girl however

This girl was ready for a fight.

She first reminds me that she is in law school.

Which I guess was supposed to scare me.

Boo!

She then goes on to say that when she first saw the advertisement for this place it said it had a patio and it obviously doesn't.

I looked out her sliding screen door to her patio.

She came over to the screen and told me that this did not classify as a patio.

I asked why it didn't.

She explained because it looked over the common area.

huh!?!?

Oh yes that makes perfect sense because when you rent an apartment in a large complex sandwiched between this and a busy freeway you should have a view of the ocean?!?!

Anyways.

I asked her if she had looked at the apartment before she rented it.

She said she had.

I asked her why she rented it if she wanted a patio and didn't believe the patio she had classified as a patio*

She explained that the previous manager promised her they would get her a patio.

huh...

Okay let me get this straight

The previous manager wanted to rent to you SO badly that she said she would spend thousands of dollars reconstructing the layout of the building to get you a patio? And just to double check you want to be a lawyer?

She promised she would do get it for me.

Okay let's pretend that for a moment I believe you, which I don't. Why would this whole patio issue mean you wouldn't have to clean your apartment?

Because it is false advertisement.

Maybe the Edison Power Station does zap away brain cells after all.

End result....verdict in favor of the only sane person in this case(Me)

*Can you see why I am a little crazy?! These are the type of conversations I have to have on a daily basis.

And the award goes to....

2010-03-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

ME!
You love me...you really love me!
wiping tear...well honestly it's an allergy induced tear but needless to say my eyes are wet!

This award came from another fellow mommy blogger Jessica ! Even though walking around the complex while chasing after kids isn't really conducive to stiletto wearing I still own a few cute pair that will be worn one of these days.

This award came from The Gun Diva I liked her before even reading her blog just based on her name alone. Sounds like someone who would kick your butt but look good doing it. Ya know?

Which I think would kind of make her a perfect apartment manager.

My third award came from Barbara who again I automatically like because she shares the same name as my very best friend :).

This award came from The Only Girl who is the only girl in her family not the only girl ever, just in case you were wondering. Her blog is hilarious and since she gave me this award I think it automatically means that I am just as hilarious as she! No?! Well this is my blog and I can think what I want to.

For some reason I can't get this to go to the center...I have tried for the last 5 minutes which is enough time spent so oh well. This came from Adoption of Jane which is an awesome blog that I recommend to all and I am not just saying that because she recently interviewed me but because she is a super mom in every since of the word.

Now all these awards came with these rules to list a million things about yourself and then turn around three times eat a live chicken and pass it on to 50 of your closest friends.

Sorry but....well I can't really think of a legitimate excuse except for the fact that I try not to think that hard...so I am making my own rules.

So here is a list of 7 things about me

1) I actually do like my job...most of the time

2) I am freakishly white

3) Prior to apartment managing I did data entry from home for a Nissan Used Car company(snooze fest)

4) When I was pregnant with my son I moved in 6 pregnant women

5) My husband is currently in Dental School and since working here I have moved in 4 dentist, 4 dental hygentist and three people who work for a Dental insurance company.

4) If I could do any job in the whole wide world I would be an EMT

5) I faint at the sight of blood

6) My complex has almost a 100% rating on apartmentratings.com

7) Not to sound conceded but I rock at my job

So I am going to pass these awards on to a couple of fellow bloggers

I am giving Sarah the Sunshine Award and the Beautiful Blogger Award because her blog can crack me up and make me cry plus she has a ton of businesses and her husband is in property management so basically she rocks...oh maybe she should get the You Rock award too! Why not.

Then I am giving the award with Marilyn Monroe to another apartment managers blog TxAptMgr cuz us apartment managers deserve all the attention/praise/respect/awards we can get :)

Lastly but not leastly(which I believe should be a word) I am giving the stiletto award to my friend Amy because she can totally pull of the stilettos AND she makes really cute accessories AND her husband is also in property management so she not only has to listen to my crazy stories but her husbands as well!

See what I have to work with

2010-03-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

I like a full complex.

What apartment manager doesn't?

Well, I guess those that are paid on commission.

But me I am on salary.

So the less work I have to do the better.

Plus I just got a cricut and I am having way to much fun making signs to worry about showing apartments.

Like the cool sign I made for my husband with the directions to the hamper.

He seems to always forget where it is.

Anyways.

Right now I only have one vacancy.

ONE!

That is awesome considering at one point this summer I had FOURTEEN!

Scary.

So I am determined to get this last apartment off the market.

The trouble is it has been sitting there since November.

Yikes!

Other apartments have come and gone but this apartment has stayed put.

I put in new carpet.

New paint.

Offered a Move-In Special

(which I hate doing)

Dropped the rent

(which I hate even more)

I have done anything and everything I could possible think of.

I do have to say that it is a beautiful apartment.

And I have to say that I am quite the salesperson.

But...and there is always a BUT

The view on this particular unit does leave something to be desired...

I mean who wouldn't want to open their window in the morning and get a good look at the substation?

3:30 AM

2010-03-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

Phone rings...and rings...and rings...

Hello (in my best you just woke me up from a deep sleep voice)

Hello! I have been stuck inside your parking lot for the last hour.

Huh? (remember I am slightly coherent) Who is this?

I was here visiting my friend and I have been sitting here in my car and the gate is not opening and I have been waiting here for over an hour. This is F'ing ridiculous.

Well, pull your car forward

I did!

Well pull it forward a little more (now I am watching her on the security camera screen) a little more, just a little more. (now I see the gate open)

Finally!

Which apartment did you say you were visiting?

Michael in apartment...

Okay

-click-

I waited until 6:00 am to call back Michael knowing he would be fast asleep to tell him he should let his friends know that gate has a censor that opens it automatically.

PS- Check me out here

Applications

2010-03-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Not every person that turns in an application and pays the application fee is approved.

And NO when you are not approved you do NOT get your application fee back.

BUT I do look over the application before I take your money to make sure you even have a shot at approval.

You would be surprised how many times I simply hand the application back and say

Don't even bother.

And you know I have a few examples that have crossed my path over the years...

Under

EMPLOYMENT:

None

Under

Income per month

None

When I asked how they proposed to pay for the apartment every month they replied

"Not sure"

Under

DATE OF BIRTH:

Blank

When I asked why she didn't put her birthday she said she didn't remember it.

Then she gets on the phone and asks her cousin in Spanish what her cousins birthday is.

When I asked her why she was writing down her cousins birthday she said because she was using her cousins social.

ooookay.

So I asked why she wasn't using her own information she replied

"I don't ever use my own information."

Right.

Makes perfect sense.

Under the section

ADDITIONAL ACCUPANTS:

first, middle,last name

Baby

Babys Mom

Have you ever been convicted for selling, possessing,

distributing or manufacturing illegal drugs or convicted of any

other crime? If yes please explain:

yes

I sell medicinal marijuana from my home.

Why are you leaving your current residence?

Because the manager is a B****

I actually took this application and called the manager for rental verification and it turns out she really is a B. So I rented the apartment.

You might also want to check out

first impressions

My Theory

2010-03-09T09:12:00.000-08:00

The number one question people always ask me is

"Are these stories for real?"

To which I always give an exaggerated dramatic gasp and place my hand over my heart.

Of course they are!

If you are an apartment manager or have been one I believe you know how real these stories are.

If you have never been a AM, then I can see why you have a hard time believing how people can act.

I do have a theory as to why us apartment managers seem to deal with so many crazies.

I believe it comes down to one word

ENTITLEMENT

...shutter...

I really hate that word

Along with the words hurl, chuck and soggy

Just for your information.

Anyways.

From my experience there are many people out there who truly believe that rules don't really apply to them.

Like those drivers who still insist on talking on their cell phone while driving

(which is illegal in CA)

They moan and groan when people around them drive badly but still sit there on their cell phone while zooming down the freeway.

Then curse the high heavens when they get a ticket.

???

The same goes with apartments.

But in my case I am dealing with someone's "safe" place

Their home.

The place they go to at the end of a the day.

No one seems to understand that their home actually belongs to a rich doctor in Newport Beach.

Now he is entitled to it all.

The renter not so much.

I also believe that it does NOT cross a renters mind that this is a business.

The owner of this building didn't purchase it years ago just for kicks and giggles.

(I don't think...I mean the owner did procreate Kevin so who knows)

He bought it to make him some good $$$

Which he certainly has.

So when a tenant comes in and explains they can not seem to come up with their rent money it seems that they honestly believe that I have absolutely NO right to kick them out of THEIR home. When they insist on putting two tons of trash on their patio or leaving their leaking car in the carport I have NO right to tell them to remove it. When they have to move out of their apartment only two months into a one year lease I have NO right to make them pay the penalty.

It's a business people

You do NOT own the apartment you are renting.

My JOB is to collect rent and in force all rules.

Your job is to pay rent and follow the rules.

It really is a simple concept.

But for some reason very hard for most to understand.

Another month another excuse

2010-03-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

"I am sorry but I am going to be late this month I had an emergency come up"

"Is everything okay?"

"No! When I was at work yesterday my dogs totally broke my bathroom door and got into all my make-up and I had to take them to an emergency Vet and one had to have surgery and the other might have to as well. Luckily they are going to be okay."

"Oh gosh I am so sorry but you realize we don't allow dogs here and was there much damage done to the door?"

"I can not believe that you are concerned about your stupid door or your stupid rules when my dogs are dying!"

"Well, it is my job to make sure everyone is following the rules and this is a no dog property."

(my defense she said they were going to be okay)

"Well my dogs are staying"

"I am sorry, but no they are not"

"Well then I guess I have to move."

"That is fine but you will have to pay your lease break fee"

"No I wont"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Because you are kicking me out!"

"No, I am saying you can not have dogs which is exactly what it says on your lease that you signed four months ago."

"But my puppies are a part of me they go I go"

"That is fine but you will have to pay the lease breaking fee."

"You can talk to my lawyer then."

"That is fine go ahead and give him my number but in the mean time when will you be paying your rent?"

"F....You"

Tenant turns around grabs her purse and storms out of the office catching her purse on the doorknob spilling all content over the ground....see God does love me.

It's never to early to start your Christmas wrapping

2010-03-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

I had a nice young woman come in...let's call her Jolene... with a little baby saying she was looking to finally move out of her parents house and wanted to rent an apartment. She went on to say how she was going to school and working and her dad who was a fireman captain would co-sign with her. Her entire song and dance was so nice and convincing. She filled out an application along with her father and everything looked okay.

She moved in and immediately I started getting complaints.

We started having car break ins every night.

Her apartment was D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G!

She was constantly lying.

As it turned out she was using a false SS number and Id.

She had been arrested several times.

Evicted on several occasions.

On probation.

And on and on...

We served her evicted papers.

She asked for a jury trial.

Which takes a few more months.

She obviously knew how to work the system.

We were losing tenants.

So my boss paid her off to leave.

...long frustrated sigh....

So she finally left!

I thought my life was finally back to normal.

Several weeks after she had left I was sitting on my computer in my office.

My daughter was taking a nap.

I had just found out the night before I was pregnant.

Life was good...

I then notice this ragged car pull up.

This man comes out with no shirt on crazy tatoos(one in which was a swastika) buzzed head and honestly made me pee my pants just a little.

I just sit in my chair(like an idiot) and watch as he storms through the office and to the mailboxes. He opens the mailbox takes out some mail and storms back to the back of the property. I go outside really quickly to see which number he was getting mail out of and it was in fact Jolene's old apartment

The crazy shirtless tattooed man was heading straight for her old apartment.

I knew we had changed the locks so I wasn't really worried.

I watch from my window in my locked house, as the guy is trying to open the door, then tries to go through the window. I am thinking "ha ha you can't get in."

Then I see this crazy scary man turn around ticked off and storming towards the office.

"CRAP!"

Not knowing what to do I decide to call 9-1-1(My husband thinks this is a hobby of mine) but I didn't want to come face to face with this guy. As I am on the phone my boss calls so I have 911 on one phone and my boss on the other.

The crazy shirtless tattooed guy comes into the office and I hear him slam the door. He then proceeds to ring the bell again and again and again. I am sort of pissing my pants right now(excuse the language) and run back to my daughters room. I then hear him beating on my door. Which means he has climbed over the counter and is now beating on what he knows is my door.

DOUBLE CRAP!!!

The 911 operator tells me to go into my bathroom and lock the door.

So I grab my daughter and my husbands shot gun that I had no idea how to use and was not even loaded and go into our bathroom and lock the door. I hear the guy pounding on the door and screaming something and I am desperately pleading with the 911 operator to get the police here RIGHT NOW as my daughter dances around in the bathtub.

Finally he assures me that they are in fact here and they have the guy and that I could vacate the bathroom.

As I vacate my bathroom(which honestly how safe was I really in my bathroom) I hear the officer knocking on my door. He then begins to tell me that this man used to live here and was just picking up some things. I assured him that I have never seen this man before and that the apartment is now vacant. As I am talking to the police officer his little walkie talkie goes off and he asks me to step back inside and lock my door!

As it turns out this man is a WANTED FELON!!!

Of course he is.

He was arrested on the spot and taken away.

Now as scary and crazy as that sounds the only reason I told you that back story is so I could tell you this...

After this whole incident I was packing my bags because I decided that I wanted to go to my mom's house for the weekend when the phone rang. It was Jolene and she informed me that the scary man I met earlier was in fact her boyfriend.

Shocker

She didn't know what had happened or what the problem was.

She then informed me that the reason he went by is because she had and I quote

"LEFT SOME CHRISTMAS WRAPPING PAPER IN HER STORAGE UNIT"
Really???

Seriously???

So I had some crazy tattooed wanted felon banging on my door screaming at me because his girlfriend wanted her wrapping paper??

In September?

Honestly???

For some reason I am just not buying it.

Unless I am just not that hip on the crack lingo

Dear Perspective Vendors,

2010-02-25T22:39:00.002-08:00

If you want to become a vendor at this fine rather large property let me give you a few examples of what to do and what not to do.

First off don't call me and ask if you can fax over your information to get on my vendor list.

Do you want to see my vendor list...

Yep that flyer of yours with the nice big Clip Art man painting a house is sitting right in there with the Cancun Vacations and Viagra Flyers(honestly am I the only one that gets fax spam??)

If you are really wanting me to consider using you for your painting/glazing/maintenance/carpet installing skills it is NOT and I repeat NOT a good idea to ambush me as I walk out of Home Depot. I am a little skeptical and jitterish so I assume any strange man approaching me as I enter my car is a rapist and needs a spritz of pepper spray.

Consider yourself warned.

However putting forth the effort to come to my office and make a personal appearance is always a good idea.

But offering a 20 something mother of two a $2.00 oversize mesh trucker hat with your company logo so tastelessly plastered on the front is probably not going to land you the account. I am just saying, wtf am I going to do with that?

You can however give me a pen. I love pens. I keep an eye on nice pens like I do my children. I have been known to chase after someone with a stabler who "accidentally" walked off with my pen.

But honestly in the end it all really comes down to price, because I obviously don't want to pay more money then I am already paying. But I do love when you tell me that you can not beat my current vendors price because you offer a more high end product.

Come on!

Honestly!?

This is an apartment complex not a Ritz if it works okay and it's cheap it looks good and if it works okay and it's cheaper it's looks better.

So if you happen to work your way into my heartless body and become a vendor I must warn you that I do have one very important rule. That rule is that I deal with enough whining/attitudes/stupidity/slobness already so the second you whine about something, give me even the hint of attitude or get in one of my maintenance mens faces....

*Good Bye!

Sincerely,

*however lavish gift baskets or gift cards will get you back on my vendor list.

Probably the most pathetic tenant ever

2010-02-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

Here is a good one from my LA days...

One day this particular tenant was microwaving a Lean Cuisine

While watching TV

And blow drying their hair

When the power went out

This tenant figured out that there must be a power outage

You know because Los Angeles often has major power outages

So this tenant sat there

Then read a little

Called their mom on their cell phone

Did the dishes

After about two hours this tenant thought she might as well head for a walk

As this tenant headed down the stairs they saw that their neighbor was watching TV

Huh?

So this tenant went and knocked our their managers door

This manager had a big belly

And liked to wear nothing but boxers

Not that that has anything to do with this story

But just in case you were making a mental image

Anyways

I digress...

The manager told this tenant that they should probably check their circuit breaker

The tenant looked at the manager confused

"Where is that?"

The manager said it was on the wall near the bathroom

So the tenant went and looked at their circuit breaker

There were a bunch of switches

The tenant wasn't really sure what to do with all these switches

So the tenant went back down to the managers door and explained that the circuit breaker had too many switches

So the manager threw a robe on and huffed and puffed as he climbed the stairs into this tenants apartment

He opened the circuit breaker box

Pointed to the switched that was in a different direction than all the other switches

And told the tenant to switch it to match the other switches

So the tenant switched it over

And the power turned on!

That tenant was me

Don't worry

It has come full circle

Many

Times

I will take you down to China Town!

2010-02-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

Now I am in complete understanding that there are some pretty nutty managers out there.

For the record no I don't believe I am one of them.

No matter what they say.

But I do have to admit that there are a few around me that qualify.

I am asked to call several properties around me every quarter to do what is a called a Market Survey.

The point of a Market Survey is to see what the apartment complexes in the area are charging for their apartments and how many vacancies they have.

Simple enough, right?

BUT here is the problem

Everyone lies!

Everyone!

It's incredibly annoying when you call a complex that has a big fat sign out front that says...

MOVE-IN SPECIAL

FREE RENT!

IMMEDIATE MOVE INS!

But the manager says they are completely full.

MmmmHmmmm....yeah sure....and I wear a size zero....it must be nice to live in a fantasy world.

Out of all the complexes that I call there is only one that my boss really cares about

It's the one directly next door.

Have I ever mentioned that the manager is a nut?

She drives me bonkers.

I mean really BONKERS!

I need to dedicate an entire post just to her.

Coo-Coo!

Anyways

She has Move-In special signs all over

Balloons

Flags

A Sign Spinner

(which for the record kind of freak me out)

So of course when I call she tells me they are completely FULL and how she just has SO much traffic and blah blah blah blah.....*

I decide to send my brother over there as a "perspective tenant" to see what the real deal is.

She shows him 5 different apartments.

Offers to give him...

One month free rent

A Target Gift Card

A move in basket

A **back rub

AND a $99 dollar deposit.

Can we say DESPERATE???

So when my brother casually mentions that he was going to look at the apartment complex next door she quickly responds with

"oh they are the same company"

OH-NO-YOU-DIDN'T!

IT'S ON.

*We never really leave High School

**Joking

I don't take to kindly to threats.

2010-02-15T10:11:00.000-08:00

I have a tenant who moved in about 9 months ago.

She actually used to live here 5 years ago when the previous managers were here.

You should know that the previous manager had been managing this place for over 16 years and was probably the nicest little old lady you have ever met.

I on the other hand am not that nice.

So when this tenant came in and saw a new manager she was a big hesitant.

She wanted a studio.

I had two studios open.

I showed here the first one.

Then the second one.

Then the first one.

Then the second one.

....2 hours later she chose the first one.

She signed a lease and moved in.

On her first month of tenancy she explained that the previous manager let her pay rent a few days late.

I told that would be fine as long as she paid the late fees.

She was not happy about that.

Then she complained that the woman above her walked to loud.

I talked to the woman above her who said she would try to walk quietly.

Then the tenant called to complain that the woman was still walking loudly.

I told her that is what you get when you rent a downstairs apartment and to deal with it or talk to the tenant herself.

She was not happy about that.

Someone then parked in her parking space.

She went a little nutty.

She called me several times.

I told her that I tried contacting the tenant who the car belonged to but they seem to be out of town.

She wanted the car towed.

I told her to go ahead and tow it if she wants.

She was not happy about this.

Mind you we have a giant parking lot with spaces open which are actually closer to her apartment then her own space.

I will not sign to have a car towed that is in the parking space one over from his.

Especially since this car belongs to an old man who was probably just a little confused.

She was not happy about this either.

So she called me

11:30pm

and said

"I think you are a horrible manager and I am going to move out!"

I said

"Great, just give me your notice in writing?"

To which she replied

"So you don't even care if I move out?"

to which I replied

"Nope"

....that was about 4 months ago....

Momma made a booboo

2010-02-12T11:20:00.000-08:00

I have a daughter who is of preschool age.

My main motivation to get her out of diapers was to get her in school ASAP.

She get's rather bored home all day.

The public schools around me are...well....crappy.

Sorry there really is no other word to describe it.

I began looking around at private schools here in the area and quickly realized that I would have to take on a second job just to pay for part time!

Honestly?!

It is ridiculous!

Mind you this is coming from someone who pays USC dental school tuition.

Finally I find a school that is both close and somewhat affordable.

AND it promised to have your child speaking both english and spanish as well as start teaching them a musical instrument!

And I knew that my daughter really really needed this.

I mean she was still eating playdough and picking her nose and speaking in third person.

She needed a lot of refinement.

I walk into the school with my daughter to meet with the head of admissions.

As soon as the woman turns the corner I am instantly struck with recognition.

I know her.

How?

Hmmmm.

We proceed with the tour and I am in love.

It was unlike any preschool I had ever seen.

They groomed geniuses.

I am picturing my daughters graduation from Harvard and the nice home she will build for me behind her mansion with a private nurse and a pool man named Rico....

YES.

She needed this school.

As we end our tour the head of admissions asks me how my apartment complex is doing.

huh?

She then asks me if I remember her.

hmmmmm....for some reason I am feeling this isn't going to be good.

She reminds me that she had come in a year earlier and was denied.

Oh crap!

Then it all comes back to me.

A single mom

Newly divorced

Bad Credit

A little girl who loved the apartment with the backyard

A letter she wrote to me and my boss explaining how her ex husband ruined her credit.

A few choice four letter words sent my way when I denied her.

(in my defense I was only one month into this job and had I been more experience I probably would have rented to her with a higher deposit)

Oh yeah I remembered.

cricket....cricket....awkward....

She then goes on to remind me how heartless I was for not letting her in.

I put my fingers to my wrist to check my pulse and reassured her that my heart was in fact beating.

For some reason I thought it would make her laugh

It didn't.

....cricket...cricket...awkward...

So I go on to ask for the paper work to apply.

She informs me there is a waiting list.

Would have been nice to know before I took the tour and made a mental note to start watching more Dora so I could converse with my soon to be bilingual violin playing 2 year old.

So I put my name on the list

There were two people ahead of me.

It's been two years.

No word.

For some reason I don't think she is getting in.

Is 27 to early to get gray hair?

2010-02-08T20:02:00.000-08:00

I don't want you to believe that all my tenants are crazy.

Out of the hundred or so I have here there are really only 7...wait...8...hold on...okay I would say 10 that are either crazy or drive me crazy.

So when this tenant tells me she is moving out I am not sadden or disapointed.

She was however only 3 months into a 1 year lease so I knew collecting her lease breaking penalty would be somewhat of a challenge.

But for some reason I really believed she would pay it.

Yeah I know...slaps head...I am an idiot.

Anyways.

She left on the 31st

In the middle of the night

Took all her stuff

And her keys

Cancelled her phone number

Didn't leave any forwarding address

And left about 2 tons worth of trash in her apartment

Nice.

BUT...haha...what she didn't know is that I had somewhat of a personal vendetta against her because she litterally drove me to drink during her three month stay.

Well not necisarly drink alcohol but a whole lot of diet dr pepper.

I mean a whole lot.

So I started my research and made about 50 calls and was finally able to locate her phone number and address.

I decided to call her first..

"hello"

"hello---, this is Erin I am calling about the 2,100 dollars you owe in rent and electric bill fees"

"Oh I don't speak English sorry"...click

It's amazing how quickly she has forgotten.

Luckily I have about 15 voicemails with her speaking very good English and using several French words as well.

Wait, is B%$#$ French?

Anyways, luckily I called right back and her voicemail clearly stated her full name letting me know that I in fact had her right number.

So today I filed the small claims court case.

(always interesting going to the court house on a Monday...WOW)

I give the paperwork to my friend who also happens to be an apartment manager so she can serve the papers.

She goes up to the house where this tenant is now living.

She rings the bell....no one is home.

As she is leaving she notices that there is a big sign right on the door saying

What would Jesus Do?

Well....I am pretty sure Jesus would pay his rent and electric bill!!

Where do I sign up for the reality show?

2010-02-04T16:47:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the brief MIA I was dealing with a sick grandma.
It's been very hard.
But when things get a bit stressful I tend to start big projects.
Like eating an entire thing of Oreo's or re-organizing my entire house.
We didn't have any Oreo's around so I decided to start re-organizing my office.
While doing so I stumbled across this lovely incident report from before my time that gave me a very very good laugh.

I was going to scan it so you can see the actual document but it's not coming out very good so I will have to retype it word for word.

For name safety let's call Tenant 1 Bob and Tenant 2 Gary

And so it begins....

"At approximately 4:15PM today, August 3, 1998 Bob(tenant 1) came into the office. I thought he was here to pay rent (which he did) but he also wanted to talk to me about Gary(tenant 2, his neighbor). Bob stated that he has had problems with Gary for a couple of years but the problems have taken on a more aggressive attitude.

According to Bob the problem started a couple of yers ago when Gary came to his apartment and said something was wrong with Bobs cat. Something wrong with it's eye. While they were talking Gary asked him if he could bum a smoke and Bob said "sure" and then asked if Gary would like to come in and sit down. Gary did. After a while Gary began telling him that he had just watched some porno flicks and began masterbating while sitting in Bob's apartment. Gary then supposedly asked if Bob would like to do something. Bob said that he told Gary, "no, I am not gay and I do not have relationships with males." According to Bob, Gary got quite upset and left his apartment . Ever since then, whenever they pass in the drive area or walkways Gary says things to him. Bob said at first he could not understand what Gary was saying but since Gary was has been released from jail he quite clearly calls Bob an "a$$$%^&" and "F$%&* you" or calls him other names which at the moment I cannot recall. Bob says that he did not say anything all this time because he understands the mentality and emotional instability of homosexual. He felt that Gary was humiliated because he mistook Bob for one of his sexual orientation. he said that he could not believe that after all that Gary had done(he specificically mentioned when Gary's friend stole all the stuff from #52 backyard) that we would allow him to move back in here. I told him that I had not had a problem with Gary since he returned from prison, that Gary, to my knowledge has been a model resident. Gary has not even complained about other residents using the one parking space that has been designated as his.

The reason I am reporting all this to you in because Bob mentioned that he was asked if he had reported this to anyone of authority in his apartment complex and he said he had not. I asked who would ask a question like that . He said he is was mulling over the idea of suing Gary for verbal battery and he feels it is worth a lot of money. He said he is now afraid of what Gary or his friends might do to him, his cat or car. he said he can not have the quiet enjoyment that is entitled to him in his own home. He also said that he has seen Gary's friends coming around. When I asked him when he said one time. He kept stressing how frightened he is.

I am not sure that I believe this report but for our own well being I decided to report it. Prior to Gary's incarceration it might have been true. I asked Bob if he had any proof and he said he had some sperm stains on his couch from Gary's that he could use as evidence. "

See I always wondered why the previous manager decided to move all the way to Montana to retire when her entire family lived right here in Orange County. But after reading this and some other interesting reports I don't blame her for going as far away as possible.

Can't you just picture her thinking "sucker!" as she was handing over her management keys to me.

A freindly tip from your favorite apartment manager

2010-01-31T13:30:00.000-08:00

If you get the bright idea of moving-out of your apartment in the middle of the night in order to not have to pay the already 2,100 you have in back rent, it's probably not the best idea to rent a GIANT truck and then ram it into your neighbors balcony.

You know just because when you are sneaking out it's usually a good idea to be quiet.
But that is just my own personal opinion.

Sorry we don't rent to Tweekers

2010-01-28T09:53:00.000-08:00

Picture this.

You are in a deep sleep.

We are talking rim cycle type of sleep.

When suddenly the phone rings.

You don't just wake up you jump up.

You look at the clock it's 3:30am

Something must be wrong.

Someone is dying

The building is on fire

So you rush to the phone.

You don't bother with your normal

"thank you for calling..." nonsense

You fanatically say "Hello?!"

"Um yes I was wondering if you had any two bedroom apartments available for the end of February."

"#$%*-*&$!?!?"

-cllick-

This is why God invented the umbrella.

2010-01-26T10:26:00.000-08:00

There is one thing you should know about SoCalifornians

We can NOT drive in the rain.

I believe it's taught in our curriculum at school.

As a matter of fact I think I remember my first grade teacher instructing us to drive as erratically as possible at the first sign of rain.

I can't even tell you how many cars I have seen turned the wrong way on the side of the freeway.

No other car around just a single car facing the wrong way.

Or slammed against a railing.

With the driver standing outside of the car

With an umbrella

Looking at their car perplexed as to why going the normal 90mph on the off ramp caused this railing to jump off the side of the road and hit their car.

So needless to say I only venture out in the rain if needs be.

Like I need sugar or hairspray or something of that sort.

However when a particular tenant comes and says she will not leave her apartment because it's raining I am perplexed as to why.

I mean, yes there are some crazy drivers out now.

BUT this paticular tenant is in the process of an eviction.

All she had to do was show up in court today

Otherwise default judgement to Plaintiff

Seriously!?

Wouldn't you brave the storm?

Did I mention the court house is across the street?

Twister!

2010-01-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

As noted in my previous post we have had quite the storm here.

The thing about SoCal is that it was NOT built to handle anything but breezy and 80 degree weather.

So of course roads were closed, cars where floating down Main st and the sunny world as we knew it was gone!

Oh the devastation.

Of course I got a few complaints that made me go "what the....!?!"

But other than that nothing to major.....until.....

A tenant came in on Friday

She asked me if I would like a divorce

!?!

Um, who asks that?

She then told me that she does her friends divorces for them.

(who does divorces for fun?)

When I said I wasn't aware she was a lawyer

She confirmed that she isn't.

....Um, okay....

Switch subject.

I started talking about the weather because that is what you talk about when you have nothing logical to say, right?

We talked about the tornado warnings.

She asked if I was scared.

I told her that we were not close enough to the water for water sprouts and that I thought that everyone was just being overly dramatic with the tornado business.

Really a tornado in Orange County.

If there really was a big tornado we be dead.

So why worry about it?

About 20 minutes after this conversation I was in my house playing with the kids and the power went out.

I hear sirens and cars blazing down the street and I think it's just because we are literally locate next door to an Edison Plant.

I begin counting quarters from the laundry room while my daughter asks me continually to put on Max & Ruby, and not understanding why the TV wont turn.

About 2 hours later the lights come back on and the first thing I do is turn on stinking Max&Ruby because I can't handle it anymore.

Just after the lights came on a fireman comes in.

He wants to make sure everyone is okay.

I was confused and said yeah of course.

Did he think 2 hours with no electricity would kill me?

He then asks if I had seen the damage.

What damage?

He then goes on to explain a twister came through the back of the property knocking over a car, pulling up some trees and knocking over a fence.....

whoops.

Hey I never claimed to be a meteorologist.

I just collect rent.

Row Row Row your boat...

2010-01-21T08:38:00.000-08:00

Every time it so much as sprinkles here in So Cal our local weather man makes such a production of it that you would think it was time to start gathering the animals and building an arc.

So when Dallas starts talking up this storm coming up I just chalked it up to another dramatic reading by our weatherman.....

Maybe I should get going on my arc?

It's my birthday

2010-01-18T07:31:00.000-08:00

So I am going to party like it's my birfday...

One of my tenants came in.
She handed me a black shirt.
She said her mother sent it to her but it was WAY to big.
So she asked if I would like it.
It's ugly as sin
But fits pretty good.
So I took and it and considered it an early birthday gift :)
So thoughtful.

TMI to the fifth degree

2010-01-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

About three weeks after becoming an apartment manager I developed a coin phrase.

"I could have happily lived my entire life without the piece knowledge."

I find myself saying this at least once a week as tenants/vendors and perspective tenants feel the need to unfold personal information I really did not need to know.

I mean really really did not need to know.

Oh you know I have some examples.

I was touring the property and this person asked to see the "gym. "

Once inside our lovely "gym" this person sat down on the bench lift thing(can you tell I use it often) and announced the only thing missing was a television.

This way he could watch his porn while working out.

And no hint of joking in his voice.

Ugh!?

See, I could have happily lived my entire life without that piece of knowledge.

(would the story make you cringe more if I said it was my bosses boss?)

(...cringes with remembrance.....yuck....)

I have a tenant who is kind of smelly(okay really smelly) and loves to talk and I mean LOVES to talk. When I see this tenant coming I quickly look busy in order to avoid an hour long conversation.

But even if I am on the phone he will simply stand at the counter and wait for me to finish or just go into his conversation anyways.

He will go on and on about religion, politics and how secret cameras are watching us at all times....yada yada yada.

Once he was talking to me about the President is ruining his health, when he started maneuvering his pants and then exclaimed he had a hemroid the size of a tennis ball.

Ugh!

Why oh why did you think I wanted to know that?

Even though I really really didn't want to a mental image popped into my head and I have been trying to erase it ever since....ahhh there it is again....make it go away.

I could have seriously very happily lived my entire life without that piece of knowledge.

See I an apartment manager.

I am not a doctor

I am not a family therapist

I am not your mother

I am not your best friend

I just want to rent you an apartment

I just want to collect your rent

So please please oh please don't tell me about your rashes, hemoroids, porno problems, your history with IBS, and your recent labiaplasy.

Small talk only please.

Pretty please.

What to do...

2010-01-14T09:56:00.000-08:00

Here is the scenario

You are checking on one of your vacant rental homes.

You walk in the front door.
Looks good.

You wander through the hallways and look into bathrooms.
All is well there.

You take a glance in the backyard
All is clear.

Then you open the door to the garage

huh?!
There is a mattress in the middle of the garage.
Which might have struck you as a little odd

But you are distracted by the two naked homeless people having ..."a moment"

Not so good.

So what do you do?

Do you...

A) Say get the _ out of my house!?

B) Start going over who you will put down as your references on your new resume.

C) Close the door and leave. They need some privacy.

D) Enter own comment

Be Back Soon

2010-01-13T12:28:00.001-08:00

the flu has landed in our house.

Maybe after a few hours of sleep I will be able to be function properly.

in them meantime I will be catching up on some AI...

I will see you soon.....

Parenting 101

2010-01-11T07:30:00.000-08:00

I hate tagging/graffiti.

I mean I HATE it.

I don't understand how taking a sharpie and scribbling three letters on the side of a washing machine serves any purpose.

My previous maintenance man used to take a paint brush and paint over the graffiti outlining each letter, basically tracing the graffiti in a different color....sigh...don't even get me started.

Anyways, for a few months we were getting the same letters "STP" scribbled all over the complex.

At first it was just occasionally, and then quickly became an all out "STP" attack as the three stupid letters were found daily on everything from the washing machine to the dumpsters.

It didn't take a genius to realize it was someone who lived here.

Now it doesn't happen too often but when I actually put my mind to something I can get it done and I get it done right and I get it done fast.

(absolutely no hidden innuendo to that statement)

So I launched an all outright CSI investigation.

I was determined to nab the "STP" artist and give them the boot.

I started by trying to narrow down who I thought it could be.

Hmmmm....

I decided that it just might be one of my teen residents.

I know a far fetched theory.

For some reason I couldn't really see them sneaking out at night and tagging up the complex.

So because of my teen theory I was able to narrow it down to three apartments. Which isn't bad considering how many apartments I have here.

I was planning on starting my questioning/bribing for information when right in the midst of my investigation I saw one of the three suspects discarding some unwanted furniture next to the dumpster and on that unwanted furniture there it was.... "STP" tagged all over it.

BINGO!

Told you I am good.

It only took me three hours to catch the little artist himself.

I grabbed a 3 day notice and handed it to my husband

(I always make him do the dirty work)

(again no hidden innuendo)

and had him deliver it to the taggers apartment.

I then sat in my office and waited for the backlash.

About 20 minutes later the kid(16yrs) came into the office.

He was with three of his scary looking friends.

(I only peed my pants a little)

He was genuinely perplexed as to why he got the notice.

I told him that graffitting was grounds for eviction.

His defense you ask?

"I haven't tagged in a few days though"

Really?

Good to know he is an artist and a genius.

He left my office after a few choice words and a middle finger.

His father then comes in.

He proceedes to tell me...

"My son is a good kid, he really is. He just has ADD and that is why he has to tag. I tell him to go across the street to do it but sometimes he doesn't listen."

(slaps head in disbelief)

HONESTLY!?!

SERIOUSLY?!

Was I the only person here born with a functional brain?

My disclaimer:

I understand that ADD is a honest to goodness problem that many face.

I do not believe however that it is a good excuse for breaking the law.

The truth is that I actually do have ADD.

Promise.

Not a joke.

Just ask anyone that has spent more than twenty seconds with me.

So if you ever invite me over to your house and I randomly start drawing all over your walls you can't get mad.

Maitenance Request

2010-01-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

"Hello__ __ apartments"

"Hey this is ___, hey our shower knob is not working."

"Is it not rotating allowing you to get hot or cold water or is it not turning on?"

(the difference between the two would be an easy 5 min job and a 1 hour turn off everyone's water job.)

"Um, not sure hold on let me check..... it's just not working"

"Okay, well can I have our maintenance man come in tomorrow to fix it? Will your wife be home or would it be okay if he just comes in?"

"What is tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow would be Friday."

"Oh yeah she should be home all day we don't have anything going on."

"Okay great I will have him come tomorrow"

"Sounds good....oh wait a second you know what tomorrow wont work for her I forget she is being INDUCED to have THE BABY tomorrow she might not be home until Sunday or Monday. Can he come then?"

Honestly?!?

Who forgets they are having a baby in less than 24 hours?

I am thinking it didn't slip her mind.

Showing Apartments with Children should probably not be allowed

2010-01-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

For those that don't personally know me(seriously missing out), I have two children.

Two small children.

Three years and a half year old and one and a half year old.

Fun times.

I thought I would take a little break talking about the never ending circus of crazies that cross my path and tell you what it is like trying to show apartments with small children.

Because that in it's self is somewhat of a circus.

Story one.

On one occasion I had my daughter with me and we were showing a very sweet elderly woman a studio apartment. As soon as we walked in I noticed it smelled a little musty but I left the door open to try and air it out, but of course my daughter blurts out "It's really stinky in here momma, oh it really stinks" and proceeds to say so in 3 second increments the entire time.

Story two...

I am standing in the kitchen of a one bedroom with two gentlemen when my son comes and stands right in front of us. He squats down and starts pushing with all his might, grunting while his little eyes are starting to turn red and then BAM! a smell that could only be described as a skunk soaked in fish, rolled in poo while eating garlic filled the "spacious" room.

Another one....

I had both kids in tow when I opened the door to a studio that was in the processes of being turned over. I knew the walls were a little tacky so I told the kids to stay at the door. Well, my daughter found a paint stick and grabbed it and got PRIMER all over her hands, arms, clothes, brother and myself. Under normal circumstances that would require

"I told you not to touch anything!" lecture and a timeout.

But I could not very well do that in front of a perspective tenant, so I kept my cool and made my daughter walk with her hands out not touching anything all the while showing yet another apartment, giving them applications and talking for a good 30 minutes about our move-in special.

My daughter stood next to me with her arms out the entire time.

Once they left I called my maintenance man asking how to get primer off. He suggested nail polish remover. So I busted out my remover and got to work. About 5 minutes into our scrubbing session my maintenance man called back to inform me to make sure the polish had very little acetone in it.

I picked up my bottle 100% acetone.

Ooops.

Last one...

I need to tell you that at my house I have an immense amount of throw pillows. My family takes the term "throw" very seriously. Every night when my husband gets home we have pillow fights. The kids love it. When you hit someone with a pillow you say "BAM!"

Now I tell you that so I can tell you this...

I had a young college guy come in looking for a studio. As we are walking the property my daughter says...

"You wanna BAM my momma?"

"My daddy BAM my momma all the time."

He then signed a one year lease.

As a matter of fact all the above perspective tenants wound up signing a lease.

Woof

2010-01-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

Monday is my day off.

I love Mondays.

I look forward to Mondays all week long.

So when people start bugging me on my Mondays

I get T-offed.

So today as I was unloading my gazillion(which I believe is somewhere between a gallon and a million) amount of groceries bags, I spot this chick trying to use her keys to unlock the office door!?!

Honestly?!

Yes I give out keys to the office door to all tenants this way they can just come in grab some money, a master key take my computer...it's a free for all!

She was very determined to open this door by trying all the keys on her key chain.

It was almost comical.

Key word being almost.

So, because it was my day off and because frankly I like this tenant about as much as I like the bubonic plague, I just walked around to my house door to drop off my groceries.

Luckily(note sarcasm) she has my cell phone number(which again I am not sure how she got) and started calling me. Of course I hit the IGNORE button(don't you wish you could hit that button in a real like conversation?).

See I knew why she was calling me.

I had given her yet again another 3 day notice to pay rent or quit

and yet again a letter letting her know that her electricity was going to be turned off

because she yet again has failed to turn the electricity over into her name even though she has lived here three months.

....deep breath...I will not get frustrated.....I'm so pretty oh so pretty and witty and bright.....

So, I sat in my house repeatedly hitting IGNORE on my phone and unloading my groceries.

Then my husband comes home.

He tells me that the crazy lady that likes to scream is trying to unlock the office door.

Then, because apparently he hates me, he told her that he would come and get me.

So I call her.

Simply because I will listen to someone until they start yelling or cursing and I don't have the freedom to hit END when I am standing there.

Shocker of shocks she immediately starts yelling...I hang up.

We do this little game for about 5 more minutes until she calls and says

"I don't want to fight with you anymore."

Which is funny because I had only said hello throughout our entire conversations.

So, I ask her to pay her rent.

She says "FINE!"

As if I am asking her to hand over her first child.

Then I tell her to change the electricity into her name.

She tells me she calls and they put her on hold.

The nerve of California Edison, honestly!

She then tells me she is getting married.

(my condolence to her finance)

She said she is getting married THIS month and will be moving in with her husband.

When I reminded her that she signed a 1 year lease and has only been here 3 months she starts yelling and telling me and I quote

"You are a heartless dog, a heartless dog how dare you try to keep me from my husband"

So of course I replied with what any genuine smart allec of a Landlord would...

"Woof, woof"

And then I hung-up.

Who is the WEEEENERRR?

2010-01-03T20:15:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a happy New Years!

We almost went without incident here

The poo colored water dripping from the ceiling into the bathroom

of a tenant put only a little damper on our festivities.

I really hate poo colored water.

Mostly because it's usually poo that is making it poo colored.

Blah!

But on a less poo note the day has finally come to announce the WINNER!

Okay are your fingers, toes and....I can't think of anything else to cross....crossed?

Did you make sure to pay your rent?

Did you make sure all your presents were mailed out on time,

especially the one for your Mother In Law, because if you don't there is a good chance

she will never ever ever let you live it down and curse the very name that is the

same as hers, then denounce you as your.....wait sorry, personal problem... I digress.

What were we doing?

Oh yes and the winner is......

Shawna Faye!

Who said Erin, you are so funny, cute and skinny. You are what they call a triple threat.

And hopefully, this will triple my chances of winning.

Oh gee thank you Shawna. I am feeling rather skinny today.

And again another

THANK YOU!!!!

To DAVID at

CSI

Oh wait a second WHAT IS THIS!?

What do I see here?

It is a $10 Gift Card to Starbucks.

Well what am I going to do with that?

I might as well give it away...

And the winner is Kellie!

Who said I'm posting on this HILARIOUS blog which makes me laugh SO hard that I might get SKINNY and winning would just be the BEST!!! My favorite apartment story, HANDS DOWN, is the old couple one!! I can't believe how incredibly awkward that would have been. SO funny!

Well Kellie if eating Taco Bell can apparently make you skinny then I don't see why my blog can't.

So my Congrats to you both.

Drop me a email so I can get them to you

apartmentmanagersblog@gmail.com

Shawna might I recommend the Chicken Scaloppine at Macaroni Grill And to both Shawna and Kellie I like a Grande 2 equal, 2 ice cube, 2 tea bag Sweet Orange Spice Tea incase you were wondering?

And yes that is my actual order, and yes maybe I once worked there...who hasn't?

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey Good Bye!

2009-12-31T07:30:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to enter the New Years Give Away-->

Happy New Years from my computer to yours

Look I poured a glass of Pink Crystal Light just for you

As we sit here celebrating the last day of this fine year I wanted to share a few things I have learned this past 11 months and 30 days...

When a previous Landlord states that it is against company policy to give rental verifications take it as a very very bad sign. Trust me I learned the hard way.

How to install a garbage disposal

One plummer later how to correctly install a garbage disposal.

Don't rent to those who come in with gun tattoos

How to install a ceiling fan

One table later how to correctly install a ceiling fan

What really happens if you never clean your stove

or your refrigerator

Most importantly I learned that NO matter how hard you try that push tab on Mac N Cheese will NOT open the flippin box, not that I don't try every single time.

It's my New Years resolution to NOT use the push tab in 2010.

I only make resolutions that I can keep:)

I encourage you all to join

Hope you have a very Happy New Years and just remember having a major hang over is NOT a good excuse for not paying rent.

Care to share what you have learned this year???

Pressurized Tanks?

2009-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

Give Away-->

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

We sure did!

We actually left the property.

It feels like I never leave.

We left for our "vacation" and I use the term incredibly loosely because sleeping in a full bed with both my husband and sick children was not exactly what I would call a vacation BUT I got the see the whole fam damily and my kids walked away with more presents then we could fit in our over sized car.

(Phew that was one long sentence)

On our long car ride home my cell phone went off again which was about the 12th time since I stepped foot off the property...it feels good to be loved(I think?)

It was my security guard explaining that he received a complaint from apartment 16 stating that the people above him were being incredibly loud.. The name of the complainer did not sound familiar and I was left even more confused since apartment 16 is an upstairs unit. There is no neighbors above him.

I could only imagine what the heck was happening

Okay I have a pretty crazy imagination but that is the first thing that came to my mind.

Anyways, I call the number of this person whose name did not sound familiar and when he answered he had NO idea who I was. After about a 2 minute

"Who are you?"

"Well who are you?"

Conversation that was going nowhere we realized that he was actually from the apartment complex next door that shares a similar name(Phew).

Even though he knew I was not his manager and he knew I basically held no power what so ever over at his complex he felt the need to tell me his problem.

Him and his wife are retired. They have lived at the neighboring complex for over 5 years and loved it. About four months ago a strange man moved in upstairs. This new neighbor is home all day long and up all night long. Apparently he drags giant pressurized tanks up and down his stairs all night long and they can hear him dragging these tanks all around his apartment.

What the...?!?

Anyways, he then goes on to say that they also see women going into his apartment all hours of the night but never heard them leave. But the next day the man would drag large garbage bags out to his car....

I then got a different mental image of what was going on and it wasn't nearly as pleasant as Mary Poppins.

I told this man two things.

First, call the police.

Doesn't that seem like the obvious?

Second, that we had a lovely downstairs one bedroom opening up in our very quiet complex so conveniently located next door.

What?

I got apartments to rent.

I wasn't trying to steal him

I was just trying to help

Honestly

(fingers crossed)

Don't worry my husband was giving me this

"I can not believe you are trying to sell this guy an apartment right now"

look the entire time.

I showed him the apartment yesterday and he wants to move in ASAP.

Hopefully these neighbors aren't to loud for him since he will be living right below.

Because we didn't get what we wanted for Christmas.

2009-12-23T14:45:00.000-08:00

Come Come All Ye Friends I am Doing Another Give Away!!!

Give Away brought to you by

David at

CSI

The go to guys for apartment restoration.

Now specializing in flooring.

With over 20 years of experience I am thinking

David has some great stories.

Here is how this Give Away is going to work

Google searches

2009-12-23T07:30:00.001-08:00

Often when someone types in a question to a Google search they are fortunate enough to be directed here. According to my Clicky account these are the most popular Google searches that land here on my blog.

How to make your headboard not hit the wall

It seem that crocheted kitten pillows seem to do the trick.

Did I mention she gave me a cute crochet dog pillow for Christmas:)

Apt managers that make up stories

Trust me even in my most wild imagination I could never make up this kind of stuff.

What to get your apartment manager for Christmas

Well since you asked here are a few things I am in need of...

This

So you better get shopping.

How to become an apartment manager

This is probably the most popular Google search that lands on my blog.

Ironic isn't it?

I am thinking they probably changed their minds.

How to get rid of girlfriend

Ummmm...I am not sure if there is any of my posts that could possidbly help someone with this.

I mean, it sounds a little scary.

Have you ever thought about dumping her?

Just a thought.

Maybe show her your apartment.

How to get rid of loud neighbors

This is very simple.

Move.

Good excuse for not paying rent.

Death

How to find a high horn dog?

Start Here and then possible check out your apartments "gym"

I am also thinking Kevin might be able to help you find one.

(honestly, who googles this?)

Now I am off to start the Christmas celebration festivities.

Crossing my fingers and toes that we don't have any "emergencies" over the next four days.

Cuz my vacation officials starts at 5:01pm today!

Merry Christmas Friends.

Coming back after Christmas with a give away and apartment photos that will put Kevin to shame. :)

Sometimes we just need to laugh

2009-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when life gets to be a bit much...

showing apartments with two small crazy kids

leases to write

move-outs to calculate

maintenance workers going in and out

laundry

dishes

Oprah

Ellen

People's Court

etc etc....phew

When I find myself getting the twitch of madness I know I need to take a deep breath and watch this...

"Fonzie clones.....I think that angel just felt me up....."

gives me the best laugh every time.

Felt the need to share.

Hope you get a good laugh as well:)

Now get out there and get that last minute shopping done

Make sure not to forget your manager:)

A pointless complaint

2009-12-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

More often then not when I get a call from tenants it's either to make a maintenance request or make a complaint..

Let's me honest, more often then not it's the later.

Although it would be nice to get a call telling me how awesome I am.

Anyways, despite how it may sound I am actually a pretty darn good manager.

Honestly I am.

No matter what they say.

Don't listen to them.

I mean I try my hardest to deal with the complaints as quickly as possible.

Promise.

But it's just that some complaints are sort of beyond my ability to fix.

For example The Rain Lady.

Another example would come from downstairs tenants.

You would be surprised how often I get this...

"I can hear my neighbor upstairs walking, can you please talk to them about that?"

Really?

Honestly!?

You can hear your neighbors walking.

Oh the calamity.

I mean what kind of world do we live in that you are forced to listen to the people upstairs walk!?

I will address this right away.

So please to all those that rent upstairs apartments please have some consideration and STOP walking it is very disturbing to the people below you.

Run, jump or skip around that if far more considerate.

Or you could contact this guy and see if his girlfriend can teach you how to fly.

That would be the most simple solution wouldn't it?

Bye Bye Kevin

2009-12-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned I am sick.

I am the worst sick person ever.

I promise however bad your husband/children/anyone you know is

I am twice as bad.

I can't help it.

If I am sick I feel the need to tell every person I know.

Have I mentioned I am sick?

Sniffle. Sniffle. Cough. Cough.

Okay on with the the rest of the my Kevin story...

As soon as I grabbed my stapler I went running outside. Kevin lived all the way in the back of the property so I went running through the first courtyard, the second courtyard, the pool area and into the back courtyard where he lived in apartment 69(don't even get me started) I knocked on the door he answered and I beat him to death with my stapler leaving little metal shards all over his gross half naked self....

okay maybe that is not how it happened, but in my head that is how it did...

He didn't answer.

I look around and his car is gone.

He is lucky.

I came back to my office and called my boss, my bosses boss, Kevin's boss(aka his mummy) then the police. Once the police where here I was a wreck, I really really wanted to hurt Kevin(I promise I am not a violent person normally) and I could NOT believe that he seriously just said that to me.

I mean heck I signed up to be an apartment manager, isn't it supposed to be the easiest job ever?!?!

Seriously!

I played the messages for the police, not leaving out the message where he goes on and on about my silky underwear even though I am clearly not Kevin's type judging by all the naked guys he had plastered to his walls.

That night I staked out, looking out my window every 30 seconds waiting for his car to show up. I knew, I KNEW I could totally take him down. The next morning I called my lawyer(yes I actually have a lawyer) and he was salivating at the thought of how much money I/he could make off this case.

I was then so kindly given a two week paid vacation to go spend with my family as they hired security up the wazoo and Kevin was found arrested and threatened to be taken off his Trust.

After he was released from jail his mom took him on a 7 day cruise to try and convince him to go here(mother of the year...note sarcasm).

Poor Kevin.

another use of sarcasm

I on the other hand was given a little incentive to stay :)

PLUS Kevin will lose all his Trust if he ever steps foot on this property or anywhere near this property ever again and if Kevin actually lost his Trust Money he would be forced to get a job for the first time in his 44 years. And let's me honest who hires a 44 year old man with no work experience, education or clothes?

Plus by the time he is finished here and here I will be long long gone.

And if I didn't stay I wouldn't have all these lovely apartment manager stories to tell :)

Ps-I still think I could take him.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

2009-12-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

I dragged my sick butt out of bed today just to do this post!

I am so excited!

I wish I could give a lovely Target Card to each and every person that entered. But at last I am not rich and I only have one card at this time to give away. So I hope you all crossed your fingers and toes and paid your rent on time:)

I did not want to be the one to actually pick the name so I made Daren the Maintenance Man do it.

So if you did not win you can blame The Maintenance Man. I will provide with his personal information shortly. :)

And the winner is....

RACHEL!!! Who said...

I love this blog and I love Target...this is my comment.

She also posted it to her facebook and had triple the chances of winning.

Congrats Rachel!

please email me at apartmentmanagersblog@gmail.com

and in the subject line please put

You look so skinny today

Thank you

I will be doing another Give Away after Christmas so stay tuned.

And remember if you didn't win don't blame me

Blame the Maintenance Man:)

A Momma's got to do what a Momma's got to do

2009-12-17T11:55:00.001-08:00

I am wrapped up in a Snuggie that I got/stole at last night's work Christmas party, drinking peppermint tea and sick as a dog(I don't really understand that expression) but yet I still blog. Maybe my kids are running around in their underwear/diaper eating left over ham from last night and watching cartoons all morning and yet I find the energy to blog....must have your priorities in check.

**Remember today is the last chance to enter the giveaway. I will be posting the winner at 10am my time, which is California Standard Time(yes I realize that is not an actual time zone, but give me a break I am sick).**

Now on to my Kevin story.

It was a Friday, I love Fridays, they are slow days and I can usually get away with having a few friends over for playdates. On this particular Friday I had a few friends over and we were having a lovely time when I heard the office door open. I peeked my head out and found it just to be Kevin so I walked out to the office holding my then 3 month old son.

Kevin was as always wearing almost nothing, sweating like crazy and holding a pile of mail in his right hand. Before I even had a chance to say anything he says.

"Have you found a new job yet?"

"Noooooo"

"You have until Christmas to get out of here" he then takes a dramatic turn and turns back around with "or you can say bye bye to baby."

OHHHH No you didn't!

He then storms out of the office and I am standing there stunned for a second then I throw my three month old baby(okay not literally throw I place him in my friends arms) and grabbed a stapler(it was the closest weapon I could find) and went running after him.

You can call me every name in the book, claim I am the devil of a manager but you threaten my baby I will take you down, way down and I can use a stapler to do it!

To be continued.

Kevin goes GREEN

2009-12-16T15:59:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned Kevin is almost the same age as my mother?

Anyways on to another Kevin story. All leading up to to his final departure.

Here is California we have what is called Prop 65, by law any and all business that are open to the public must display a Prop 65 plaque...

basically saying that this area contains chemicals that are known to cause birth defects and cancer. Honestly it isn't the most comforting thing to read when you are waiting in the drive-thru at Jack-N-Box but it's the law.

Kevin comes storming in to my office one day(shirtless and no shoes, but pants on phew!) going on and on and on about how dare we use chemicals that cause cancer. How he believes that we should be using all natural chemicals that wont harm the tenants or the environment. How we should be thinking of others when we use these "harsh" chemicals.

Honestly?

Yes I am sure the vinegar and water mixture that I use to clean the laundry rooms is far more harmful than the cigarette sticking out of your mouth right now and the smoke blowning right into my face.

Makes perfect sense.

The Door-

While Kevin was on his GREEN kick, we replaced the office doors. Each door was made of wood and after installation we were planning on painting them to match the rest of the building.

Kevin comes barging in(he always has to make an entrance) and is in tears because he does not want us to harm these poor innocent wooden doors. He goes on to say that we are clearly hurting the environment by covering these doors with paint. They need to breath and create life?

Have you ever seen a wooden door procreate?

Me neither.

After our entire conversation that lasted a very painful hour,

Kevin agreed we should paint the doors but we should most certainly paint them red.

Yes, taking decorating tips from Kevin makes perfect sense.

After we painted the doors brown to match the rest of the building Kevin called my boss the owner of the property management company to complain that I was not taking care of the place and there were little creatures running all around!?!?

What the...

Maybe the doors did procreate

Why I don't take vacations

2009-12-15T10:28:00.000-08:00

Every year my husbands entire family rents a cabin in the snow for three days. So once a year I pack up what feels like my entire house for our vacation. It's fun once there but extremely stressful packing for three children...oops I mean two children and one husband, then there is food, toys, all the snow stuff, chains for the car, pillows, sleeping bags...and have it all packed so that we can still have room to sit and be able to see out of the windows. Needless to say I have lists taped to every wall of the house and I am running around like a mad woman.

Then there is the entire process which is leaving the property and having someone else watch it for me. I had two friends who happened to live here at the time coming in to watch the property while we were gone. They had watched it several times before and every time was slightly boring and uneventful. This time however would be different...oh so different.

I should have known how the weekend was going to pan out when I get a call in the midst of my packing madness from Kevin. He starts off with this usual banter

"how are you?"

"what are you doing?"

"have you ever met a real life gnome"

He then goes on to talk about how his patio was really ugly and he would like some money to beautify it. I told him I didn't have too much money to spare but I would have to talk to my boss and see what I can do for him. But I would have to do that on Monday. We ended the conversation and I went back to my frenzy. It was during my drive up to the mountains that I recapped the conversation in my head and I got that

"Oh CRAP" feeling.

The following morning I got a call from my friends informing me that Kevin had tried to get into my apartment the night before setting off the alarm. He then proceeded to leave four very nice messages using all kinds of colorful language and accusing me of hiding in my apartment to get away from him.

Why oh why would I want to hide from you?

Note sarcasm.

I knew he was simply looking for money to "beautify" his patio. I had my friends, my poor poor friends go and give a little money to Kevin. I am sure they have tried many times to forget their first encounter with Kevin, for I don't know the specifics but knowing Kevin he was either naked or partially naked.

That night Kevin celebrated his "patio beautification" project by turning on his disco ball and bumping his music so loud that the entire complex felt it radiating through their walls. The cops were called and Kevin answered the door in his usual birthday suite and was taken to jail since well, he was high as a kite.

And that my friends was just the first two days of my three day vacation.

I still have my lovely messages from that night.

I played it for the cops on the day that Kevin was finally kicked out of here.

Oh wait....

I can almost hear you asking...

Why on earth would I give Kevin money?

Why would I simply hand money out to tenants, especially tenants who are obviously crazy.

Well, Kevin isn't a tenant.

Kevin's parents own this building.

Feel sorry for me yet?

PS-Kevin nailed a piece of 2x2 plywood to his patio. Oh and it looked beautiful!

(note sarcasm)

The history of the nasty apartment

2009-12-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

On a side note can I just tell you how excited I am about this Give Away-->

I am even more excited about all the great stuff vendors have sent me for future give aways!

Okay

Now let's talk about the pictures below. Yes they came from an apartment here at my complex. And to be honest it's not the worst one I have seen. But it was probably the weirdest.

The end of this tenants residency was very dramatic. I mean VERY dramatic.

Like I almost quit my job dramatic.

Like I got a paid week vacation dramatic.

Like I could have gotten away with doing some physical harm to him dramatic.

Like my lawyer still calls me monthly dramatic.

Like you will pee your pants when I tell you who this tenant actually is.

Is the suspense killing you?

Good.

So in honor of my most dramatic/crazy tenant I have decided to spend this week blogging about his stories. Just because you have to understand our history before you can truly grasp our dramatic ending. Did I mention the police were involved and 24 hour security?

For the sake of name safety and to make these stories a bit easier to tell let's call this tenant "Kevin"

(Simply because I am currently watching UP with the kids)

Anyways let's start with a more mild story and work our way up to the crazies...

It was my day off.Yeah!

My pager goes off.No!

It was a Kevin, and he was having problems with his toilet.

Against my better judgement

(he loved to run around naked...shudder at mental image...uuuuuk)

I decided to go back to his apartment to see if the problem warranted a call to the plummer or a call to the maintenance man.

Silly me was thinking it would be something normal, you know like a broken seal or chain. Obviously I was forgetting who I was dealing with.

It turns out that it was just clogged.

Well, clogged with kitty litter.

An ENTIRE bag of kitty litter.

When I asked why he felt the needed to dump an entire bag of kitty litter down his toilet he simply replied

"I didn't need it anymore."

Yes, because if you want to get rid of an entire bag of kitty litter, dumping it down the toilet is the most logical answer. You know because it's not like kitty litter clumps when wet or anything.

It took the plummer about 6 hours and 2k to clear that drain.

Which is why we are a No Pet property.

Security Deposit

2009-12-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Smith,

This letter is to inform you that you will not be receiving any of your security deposit back. While I fully appreciate your...unique sense of style it seems that there were a few repairs that had to be made.

For example while I personally enjoy jet black walls painted on so nicely it seems that most prefer a more neutral color.

We did have to repair the giant holes, although I do appreciate you so clearly labeling them so I fully understood what I was looking at.

I do have to say the nice messages written in your marijuana farm..oops I mean closet were lovely.

We are going to have to do some work in the bathroom, although that is just a guess because the weird smell and naked statues kept me from fully entering.
The swirls on the ceiling are more of a eclectic taste and I am thinking I might have to paint over that before I move the next tenant in.

While I can appreciate you completely tearing up the linoleum, most people tend not to be drawn towards black rubber flooring so we were forced to replace that.

I am not 100% positive since I was not the one to personally move you in but I am pretty sure that there were cabinet doors, and drawers and a full counter top when you first moved in. I also wanted to let you know we recovered some sort of chemistry set that you might need. You know in case you need it to study or anything.

I am a little perplexed as to why you boarded up your window, why wouldn't you want someone to look in?

I hope that you can understand that your $200 deposit was in fact put to legitimate use. I have also inclosed the bill for the $25,000 that is cost repair your beautiful apartment.

Sincerely,

Your Manager

It's time we have THE "talk"

2009-12-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

GIVE AWAY BELOW!!!

Okay my blog readers.

Please take a seat and avoid eye contact at all costs.

I think it is time that we have the talk.

You know, the talk.

I still remember when I had the talk with my mom

Even though I wish I could forget....

(shudder)

But, we are all adults so I feel it is time.

Today my subject matter is that of a mature nature.

It has to do with sex

(is it immature that I let out a little giggle when I typed that...don't answer)

But the truth is that as an apartment manger I get a great deal of people complaining about their neighbors...doing their thing so to speak.

(immature giggle again).

(okay I am done)

I have heard phrases like

"it was scaring my baby"

and

"all night long...honestly all night"

there was also

"can't they go inside their apartment instead of their patio?"

and then there was

"I thought a cat was dying!"

By far the best sex complaint I have ever received came almost three years ago when I first took over management at my current complex.

It was from a younger tenant who had recently moved in. She came in looking completely sleep deprived and extremely agitated. She went on to explain that not only does she have to listen to screaming and headboards banging but that it went on almost every night all night long.

She used words like "unnatural" and "unhealthy"

I knew I had never met her neighbors and I was not crazy about our first meeting being of this nature. But it's the name of the game. I know way more about some of my tenants then I ever wanted to.

I head right over to the...ahem...noisy neighbors. A sweet older woman who was well into her 60's possibly 70's answers the door. She is SO excited to meet me and quickly runs to her kitchen and grabs a plate of cookies. Her husband is sitting in a recliner watching fishing or golfing or maybe Wheel a Fortune...anyways, he throws his hand up and to acknowledge my presence.

Honestly?!

I wasn't sure what I was expecting but this certainly was not it.

There were so many things running through my mind...

"what is your secret?"

"Could of lived my entire life without this new mental image running through my mind"

"Shouldn't you be getting more sleep?"

She then began telling me about how she has a granddaughter just about my age.

We chatted for a few minutes and I took a cookie and left. Chicken.

Then their neighbor came in and complained again two days later so I was forced to face the issue. I approached the door again and the sweet woman answered the door again with her husband sitting in his chair watching the same sort of show. I simply and quickly asked if she could possibly put something behind her headboard in order to prevent it from hitting the wall.

She looked at me puzzled.

I thought I was pretty clear. So I reiterrated with telling her that some neighbors can hear her headboard against the wall and if she could pull it back a few inches then it shouldn't be a problem.

Again puzzled look.

She then invited me in to show her what exactly I was talking about.

Maybe a normal person would have declined such an offer...

I entered her room and noticed that they had a big heavy wooden headboard on their king size bed. I went over and gave the headboard a little push and it went banging against the wall. I look at her and I could see the look of realization coming to her face.

She gave me a little smile and grabbed a little crochet pillow that had a cat on it and stuffed it between the headboard and the wall. I gave the bed another push and this time it did not bang against the wall. We smiled at each other and she offered me another cookie and I left.

These tenants are in fact still here and still going strong because in the last 3 years I have moved 3 different tenants out of the neighboring apartment and sit vacant today.

Don't you wish you had my job? :)

Because do any of us really get paid enough?

2009-12-09T18:07:00.001-08:00

Spread the word I am about to do a give away!

Here is how you enter

The Screamer

2009-12-09T13:27:00.000-08:00

I have a tenant who decided not to pay rent this month. I served her a 3day notice to pay rent or quit and tried calling on several occasions. Finally she gets back to me and her excuse for not paying rent is...
"I was busy"

Seriously?!?

Honestly?!?
Like that is a good excuse.

So I tell her to pay her rent that day. Apparently she got to busy and forgot to pay that day or the next. Which now leaves us on the 9th of the month.
I left her another message explaining that I was going to have to send her file over to the lawyer if she does not come in and pay. ALSO, she needed to come in to pay her electric bill that for some reason she decided to cancel and have changed back over to the landlords name. Again when questioned about this she said she was

"To busy to take care of the electric bill so she felt that we should pay it"

Which, again makes perfect sense

(rolls eyes)

Why shouldn't everyone else pay your bills. No one else is busy.

Anyways, she calls me yelling at the top of her lungs so loudly that I can not understand her. I do what I always do when someone is yelling...hang up!

She then called and I picked up and she yelled so I hung up and we proceeded to do this for the next 30 minutes or so when I finally decide to not pick up the phone at all.

Then all of a sudden my cell phone rings! How in the heck she got my cell phone number is beyond me. I picked up and she yelled and I hung up.

Long/annoying/frustrating/infuriating story short

She comes in and pays her rent. Making sure to tell me that I was treating her like a dog!?!

I am not sure how asking someone to pay rent on the apartment that they are renting is treating someone like a dog? But if that is the case I am crossing a dog off my Christmas list because I do enough of that already!

Caution! There is a high horn dog on the loose!

2009-12-04T15:08:00.000-08:00

We have a gym on my property...well maybe gym isn't the right term. It's more of a exercise room...okay fine it's the pool room with a treadmill a bike and some weights. There is nothing fancy about it but I can add gym to my advertisements so it works.

Several months ago someone broke into our "gym" which made no sense to me whatsoever since there is no money in there and all the equipment is bolted to the ground and I am pretty sure our "security guard"(and I use that term loosely)would notice someone walking out with a treadmill.

But once inside I got a better idea as to why someone might want to get in.
I think it was the three dirty condoms(busy night)and the drug packets scattered around the room that brought me to the realization that they just needed some privacy that's all.

I also love that they left their bloody napkin so nicely on the seat of the bike. A seat that might I add that I drenched in bleach and will never ever put my butt on, EVER.

I think my favorite part of this was when I called to report the incident to the police she was questioning me on how I would know what drug packets look like. To which I replied "because I have cable!"
I knew all my years of watching 90210 would come in handy at some point.

Where do they find these people?

2009-11-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

I have to admit I watch the People's Court. Don't judge me.

It all started with 3 months of bedrest and not a whole lot to do.

I used to think it was entertaining but clearly fictional.

There just can't be people like this in the world can there?

But guess what? There are!

I have had first hand experience with them.

About two years ago I received my first Small Claims court summons. Obviously they were suing the actually owner and obviously the actual owner sent me instead. This is when I felt that my years of People Court watching came in handy.

We had our parking lot repaved and asked all the tenants to please park in the parking lot directly across the street for a few days while this was happening. During our second day of paving a tenant came into the office and exclaimed that someone had hit his car. He was going on and on and on and wanted to show me the damage so I obliged since he was so upset and wouldn't stop talking.

We walked over to his 1983 Toyota something and he started showing me the damage and to be perfectly honest the entire car was scratched all over and there were rust spots and the bumper was hanging on for dear life. He then pointed to a nice silver Lexus in the corner and exclaimed that it was the car that had hit his. When I asked how he came to this conclusion he told me that there was a scratch on the front bumper. Apparently you need some sort of super human power to locate this scratch because all I saw a reflexion of myself and made a mental note to get my eyebrows done.

He then went on to explain that he had removed the cars LICENSE PLATES as some sort of ransom until they decided to pay for this damage.

NUT!

I told him that I felt that was probably illegal and that he should return it. I then later saw him dancing around the parking lot with a camera almost trying to reenact what he believed happened. I didn't give a whole lot of thought to the entire situation until I was served notice that he was suing the owner for the damage to his car his 1983 rusty Toyota something that was apparently worth 1,900 dollars. I tried to Kelly Blue Book the value of his car but the book didn't go past 1989. To me it was a miracle this car was running at all.

Shocker of all shockers he got zero for his car.

I do have to say the best part of the day was when I was able to sit and listen to some of the other cases. It was this day that I realized Peoples Court is not fictional, as a matter of fact I am pretty sure all they have to do is visit our local court house to find a full seasons worth of cases.

What is an emergency?

2009-11-19T08:01:00.000-08:00

I recently went from a old fashioned pager to a a google voice account for my maintenance emergency number. Which means someone calls and either leaves a message which is then sent to me via text or I can answer the call. The beauty of this is when I am sitting in church and my phone goes off I can read the text to realize it's not even close to an emergency and resume with my service. As apposed to leaving the service with my cell phone and pager in hand calling back the number and getting ticked when I realized someone paged me because their garbage disposal isn't working. Emergency? I think not!

So I thought I would make a few lists of events that I would consider an emergency as well as a few examples of what is NOT.

Emergency

You wake to find your apartment if flooded. Please by all means feel free to page your landlord.

Not an Emergency

You dropped a contact lens down the sink

Emergency

There is water leaking from the ceiling, especially if the water is poo colored and coming from the bathroom above(really happened once, grossss)

Not an emergency

You decide to try install a bidet at 1:30am (when you are slightly drunk and have no idea what you are doing) and have completely destroyed the only toilet in your apartment.

I am never to nice when I am woken up because of someone else's stupidity.

Emergency

There is smoke coming out of your neighbors apartment and the fire alarm is going off...but please call the fire department first.

Not an Emergency

You dropped a butter knife on your foot during an earthquake.

Yes, I had a tenant who dropped a butter knife on her bare foot during the last earthquake we had. However she did call 9-1-1 first for them to administer the band-aid.

You know because fireman and paramedics have nothing to do after a big earthquake.

Emergency

It's 3:30am and there are three naked drunk guys using a boogie board to skim across the pool.

Not an Emergency

It's 10:30PM and you desperately need the package that UPS dropped off for you in the office.

Which I would have been more understanding if I had not given you notification that your package was delivered TWO week ago and had not called several times in between for you to get this package out of my office.

Emergency

Your apartment is on fire!

Not an Emergency

You have developped a weird rash on your butt and think there is some sort of bacteria growing on your toilet.

First, try cleaning your toilet every so often. Just a thought

Second, why would you think your landlord would want to know about your weird rashes on your butt? Especially at 11:00pm?!?!

Honestly, I could have lived my entire life without the piece of knowledge.

It's smells back here

2009-11-14T11:25:00.001-08:00

About two years ago I had a nightmare of a tenant. I will save the dramatics of the situation for a later day. Let me just say the FBI still comes around looking for this ex-tenant. It still sends shivers down my spin thinking about it...(brrrrr). Anyways.

I started getting some complaints from her neighbors about a horrible smell coming from her back patio. They said they could not keep their back windows open because the stench was so overpowering.

Knowing this tenant all to well, and with the understanding that we were in the process of eviction, I thought there had to be a few dead bodies back there. So I felt that I needed to look into the situation. It was a lower unit with a rather large patio with really high fences. The only way that I could see into her patio was to actually climb on top of the carports and look down. Which I did, with my camera in tow.

As I got to the top I too was overcome with the stench, a stench being a mother myself, I quickly recognized. Even though I knew what the stench was there was nothing that could prepared me for what I was about to see. Sitting there on her patio was a pile of diapers that was about three feet deep and about four feet wide. It was a giant heap of every diaper she had changed in her 3 months of living there.

G-ROSSSSSSS!!!!

I snapped a few pictures of the diapers and a few of the drug paraphernalia laying next to the pile of poo. As well as a few of this tenant standing next to her poo pile flipping me the bird, oh and smoking a cigarette while holding her infant. I cringed at the thought of what the inside of her apartment looked like and cringed even more about the thought of her accidentally tossing a cigarette into the poo pile.

Yikes.

Evict Me Please

2009-11-03T19:34:00.001-08:00

About a year ago a tenant, whom was a very nice guy, came in and asked me if he could ask me for a favor...which I always find funny when people ask if they can ask for a favor instead of asking if you can ask, why don't you just ask and save yourself the extra question...sigh...oh sorry I digress.

Anyways, this tenant comes in and asks me if I would please evict him.
What?!?!
He then explained that money was tight and he needed to dip into his 401K in order to make rent. I guess the fastest way to get the money without having to wait a certain amount of days is if it's an emergency, and being evicted is an emergency.

I guess I was a little perplexed by the situation. Here I had a great tenant who had lived here for almost 20 years asking me to evict him. Hmmm. I explained that in order for me to evict him I would have to wait for him to be at least 3 days past his rent and then I would have to pay our lawyer to file an eviction against him. All the while he would be accruing late fees and lawyer fees.

I asked him if he could at least pay partial rent that day and pay the rest in payments through out the month. I would rather deal with late payments then to have a vacancy and the costs of turning over a 20 year old apartment. He told me that he could pay me a partial payment and give me the rest around the 15 of the month. Which sounded a lot more...oh I don't know...whats the word...smart, yes that 's the word. It sounded a lot more smart than to go through an eviction process.

The next day he wrote me a check for the rent minus $200 dollars. Really?? You wanted to be evicted to dip into your 401K for $200 bucks?!?
The best part is that three weeks later UPS dropped off a big box for them that said XBox 360 on it.

Seriously?!

Am I the only person who believes that paying for the roof over your head is more important than games/purses/cars/presents??? Honestly? What is the point of having a Xbox if you have no place to plug it into??

Creepy Crazy Sublet Guy

2009-11-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

My first official business several years ago when I took over this complex was to deal with this particular tenant who wanted out of his lease. He had signed a one year lease only one month prior and he believed he could smooth talk the new manager out of his lease. He kept coming in and complementing me on my looks and giving me a horrible cheesy smile which I found anything but charming. As a matter of fact I got a creepy vibe from the beginning. When his corny attempts failed he decided to take manners into his own hands and sublet his apartment. Of course he did not even check in with us before he did so and he did not even take into account that his apartment was located right in front of mine.

So it became obvious what was going on when I noticed a small woman moving her things into his apartment. When I approached her about what exactly was going on she let me know she had rented the apartment. Huh? Turns out that the creepy guy had not only sublet her apartment but was making a $20 dollar profit in the process. Seriously??

Long story short I called him, told him about my lawyer that would be contacting him soon, and he called me every bad name in the book and went straight crazy town on me. He of course got in some nasty trouble and was financially responsible for the remainder of his lease.

So you can imagine me surprise when three years later my caller ID reads Creepy Crazy Sublet Guy. When I answered the phone he pretended that he found our apartments online and never mentioned his name. He said he was interested in renting an apartment for his wife, not himself, he would just visit occasionally(oh yeah that story sounds like it checks out). I played along and told him I happened to have a studio. He then told me he would would send his wife in to bring a deposit because they wanted it. When I questioned why he would want an apartment he had not seen he told me that it just sounded nice....seriously who does this guy think he is.

I finally let him in on the fact that I now have caller id. He tried to back peddle saying that just his wife would live there not him. Which we both knew was a lie. I then told him that due to the fact that we had to send him to our lawyers once we would not be renting to him again and then hung up the phone.

Two days later the Creepy Crazy Sublet Guy came into my office and told me that he had bought an apartment complex and moved into one of the apartments. He had rented to a group of guys who had not payed rent in months and when he tried to evict them they threatened to kill him. So he wanted to move here to hide.
Honestly?
First off it was nice to see that this guy is still a complete idiot, second why in the heck would you think telling me you would like to hide out here would make me want to rent to you is beyond me?? Seriously???

I simply told him that I would rather lick the rear end of a birthing cow then to rent to him.
And yes those were my exact words. And yes I think it would be far less painful then dealing with him.

She is volatile

2009-10-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

My friend who manages a few complexes in a popular beach town called me this morning to tell me this story that was to good to not share.

At 11.38pm she received a message on her answer machine from one of her tenants. This particular tenant starts the usual I am sorry to call so late, then goes into explain how his girlfriend and him got in a fight over his 8 year old son. Apparently his baby's momma was supposed to take his son this weekend but backed out at the last minute and because of this his girlfriend is kicking him out of his apartment. (Yes, it makes perfect sense to call your apartment manager at 11:38pm to tell her about your baby momma drama?? Honestly)

Apparently explaining his relationship woes wasn't his main purpose for calling. He then goes into how he would like my friend, his manager to come with him to get his stuff because his girlfriend is and I quote volatile .

Seriously?!? What makes him think that his manager would want to go near his volatile girlfriend. Especially since the first description of the word volatile is having the ability to fly. ????

So to all of those renters out there, if your girlfriend is flying around and trying to kick you out of your apartment due to baby momma drama you should probably call the police or a exorcist, possibly Jerry Springer but don't call your manager. That, believe it or not is not part of our job description.

Happy Halloween!

Thank D for sharing your crazy tenants with me

Crazy Gate Lady

2009-10-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

A few months back we were having problems with our front gate that allows tenants to drive into the complex. It is a very sensitive gate and for one reason or another it kept coming off track. So one day when I was walking the property I notice a woman standing at the gate obviously waiting for a friend, but she had her foot resting on the gate and was rocking it back and forth.

I was at a distance and I asked the woman politely to remove her foot. She didn't move. So I ask again in a slightly higher voice if she could please not put her foot on the gate. Again her foot remained on the gate and she continued to rock even hard on the gate.

I assumed she did not hear me so I walked up to her and said..

"Excuse me, can you please not put your foot on the gate it's..."

Crazy Gate Lady-"Don't you have anything better to do than to (Bleep) and moan at me?"

Me-"Well I am actually the apartment manager here and that gate is very sensitive so I would appreciate if you would remove your foot."

Crazy Gate Lady- "Leave me the (bleep) alone you think I am to (bleepin) heavy for the gate. You wouldn't understand you skinny little (bleep)!"

Of course you know what my next reaction is...

"You think I am skinny! Well, thank you! Now get your foot off the gate please."

Holy Smokes!

2009-10-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

This particular tenant moved out after only ONE year. She was very sweet and I very much enjoyed her, but she sat inside and smoked a good majority of the day. When she moved out I couldn't believe my eyes. You can see where all her pictures where, even a perfect outline of her lamp that hung in the corner.

Just so you know it took two coats of primer, three coats of fresh paint on top of the primer, new carpet, new blinds, removal of the new carpet install hardwood flooring and repaint one more time to get the smell gone...well even then the new tenant complains of the smoke smell.

ps-I think my favorite part of the video is where I try to close the blinds only to find that they are broken.

I will sew you

2009-10-26T13:26:00.000-07:00

I had a tenant who lived here for three months, he would have lived here longer but he decided to try and sneak a dog in. Not just any dog but a 70 lb lab. So they had to move. When I did my apartment inspection with them I told them that they were going to have to pay for paint. They were very upset by this. Which had me perplexed because they had made holes all over the walls and decided to paint some sort of random mural on their bathroom ceiling. Did they think they could do that and not have to pay for it???? Honestly.

So they move out and I have the place painted and send them their deposit back minus the painting charges. He then sends me a wonderful email and I must share my favorite part with you...

"you are a lazie good for nothing manager who does not do hers job right. I am talking to my lawyer and we will be sewing you for the rediuclousleyly paint charges...."

Oh my so many places to start...

First, I aint no grammar teacher but I am pretty sure lazie is actually spelled lazy and "hers job right" is exactly how my three year old would say it. If you are going to insult me at least insult me right.

Second, I can't stand people who threaten me with lawyers. Honestly! If your "lawyer" (which I am betting money on the fact you don't even have one) whom probably charges a few hundred dollars an hour would like to represent you regarding a $110 dollar painting charge then please by all means have him contact my lawyer whom is very real.

Third, I have no idea what rediuclousleyly means.

And fourth should I be scared that they are planning to "sew" me? What will they sew me to I wonder???

Kung-Fu!

2009-10-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

Due to the poor economy I have had a lot of tenants move because they have lost their jobs or they have decided to move in with their families to save money. Thus the result is many vacancies. I am in a neighborhood where there are A LOT of apartment complexes AND I am tucked away in a cul de sac so I don't have the best exposure. So when I get perspective tenants I put my best smile on and try to sell sell sell. Please push play.

SO I am showing an apartment to these two young girls. They are asking the normal questions "is it safe here?" "what's parking like?" I decide to show them the parking area since I believe it's one of our biggest selling points. As I round the corner I see one of our tenants who is notorious for talking to himself full on having a argument(with himself)in the middle of the parking lot. AND just to add to the awkwardness of the situation he was also doing karate moves. Just one man, Screaming to the air Kicking all around Even throwing in a spin kick Punching the air SERIOUSLY?!? People, really I could not make this up. What do you say to that??? "Um, yes this place is very safe. For example this is our resident security guard." "We don't allow drugs here on the property, but I am pretty sure if you do drugs he might know where to get them"

Seriously?!? Honestly?!? How am I supposed to work with this?

Seriously?!?

2009-10-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

There is a website called apartmentratings.com. This website usually does more harm than good for an apartment complex because people tend to seek this website out to complain rather than to compliment. I was searching near by apartment buildings and I happen to stumble across this review for a complex a few blocks away...

You can go here to see the original

The Manager is the most unorganized ridiculous person I have ever met in my entire life, I have no idea how she can even think that she knows how to run this mess. We gave a 30 day notice stating that we would be moving out at the end of our lease and the manager let us know 3 weeks later that the note was not sufficient. She said she'd call us back and get everything taken care of and never did. ...Living here was like living in a Natzi camp. This is the worst place I have ever lived and they are so unorganized and careless that it will now affect my record forever. The Managers lose your rent and call you at work when there is better things to worry about - Puke had been left on the sidewalk down from our door for 3 WEEKS!!! Kids shoot pellets at your car while it's parked in the garage and no one does anything about it. There are drug dealers and gangs living here, there are careless workers that sweep trash in the garage and they sweep it right under your car to hide it so they don't have to pick it up. ...they just tried to make it look a little better on the outside so they could get attract people that are looking for a nice place and rape them for rent and ruin their life. The location sucks, these apartments suck, they are dirty, old, molding and disgusting. These people DO NOT know how to run an apartment complex and should all go back to elementary school to learn some basics. This is NOT a place for families, it is a place for TRASH!!! If you want to be completely miserable and abosultely HATE where you live, deal with miscommunication, and live in a Natzi Camp, this is the place for you!

There are a few things here that got me

First, is it really fare to compare living in an unorganized apartment complex to a Nazi camp? Honestly! Is it just me or do you find that incredibly disrespectful for the thousands of inncent Jewish people that were tortured and brutally murdered. Did the manager kill this persons entire family, force them to go without food while they did their hard manual labor?

Honestly!

Second, that living at this complex ruined their life. Really? I can think of 100 different things that are WAY worse than having a crappy manager. How about this or maybe this.

Third, the whole rape you for rent....(shaking head)....I can't even go there.

Now I have to say that this apartment complex could be horrible, it could smell, it could have an unorganized manager. There are always two sides to every story and I am going to take a stab in the dark and say that this might have been a difficult tenant who didn't pay rent. Just a guess. Otherwise someone should call Fair Housing/the police about the murdering/raping manager.

BUT honestly. Get some perspective PLEASE.

I bet you this persons manager had no problem telling a little lie on their rental verification form(see post below)

When is it okay to lie?

2009-10-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

I am having a personal conflict.

My momma taught me not to lie.

My pastor/priest/bishop always said don't lie.

Even Abraham Lincoln himself said not to lie(or was that Washington?).

BUT I am pretty sure had they known Mr.Hyde* they might be tempted to break that 9th commandment.

Let me back up here so you can understand my predicament...

Almost a year ago I moved in a couple who seemed very nice. They had mentioned they were having problems with their current apartment managers(first clue, duh!) and that their apartment had been flooded and they were looking to move asap. Their credit checked out and apparently their apartment manager didn't have much of a conscience and so willing dumped her problem onto poor, innocent me.

The couple were slated to move in on a Friday but decided late Thursday night that they would like to move in because they only had the truck and helpers that night. So we quickly moved them in and all was well. So I thought!

Mr. Hyde came to me and was pacing and smoking and shaking and going on and on and on about how everything in his apartment is broken. EVERYTHING! I ask him to please make a list of the things that need to be fixed and I will have that taken care of asap. One week later he shows up with a list of four things, yes FOUR things and a box of See's candy saying he was sorry and everything was fine except those four things. WHAT! Did I miss something. I was totally going to toss the See's but my husband, not knowing it was from Mr. Hyde, downed the entire box. Just so you know he is still alive and well.

So again I think everything is fine and then a month later Mr. Hyde comes into my office going on and on and on how everything is broken and the carpet needs to be replaced...blah blah blah. He is also so unhappy with me because he thinks I am a lazy manager because I didn't do anything about his previous requests. Seriously!?! I almost break my neck form the whiplash and ask him to leave my office immediately. I then talk to his girlfriend Ms Jekyll who is soft spoken, level headed and very nice(she must be on some sort of medication) . I explain I have no problem replacing the carpet but I was not going to replace the cupboards all the doors, the windows and basically tear down the entire apartment and rebuild it for him. Of course they declined and everything was fine again....

Then I am walking the property and he comes storming up behind me and asks for my bosses number I obliged because I have the best boss ever and at least he will be able to wittiness this craziness(and know it's not me). Luckily Mr. Hyde didn't disappoint and did his crazy talk to him as well. Since he is on a lease(why oh why did I do a 1 year lease with them?!?!?) we don't feel like going through an eviction so we basically said find a new place to live and we will let you out of your lease because obviously this relationship isn't working. Now this conversation happened about a month ago and...nothing which is not surprising.

Then today I get a fax from another apartment manager looking for resident verification. My first thought is yes please take him please take him away!!! The fax had only a few questions:

Does this person live there? Yes (unfortunately)

Did they pay their rent on time? Yes

How long has tenant lived at this address? 9 months (it feels like an eternity)

Were they evicted or given 30/60 notice? No (technically they weren't)

Were they a good tenant?....... (No! I am pretty sure he is the devil. This has not be confirmed nor denied. It's simply a theory)

Would you rent to them again?......... (H NO!)

Do I leave it blank which is code for "good luck with that one"? Do I risk eternal damnation by putting yes and sending this poor manager the crazy Mr. Hyde? If what goes around comes around is true then will I just get another Mr. Hyde??

Decisions, decisions.

Well actually it really isn't really a hard decision but sometimes I like acting like I have a conscience.

*Name changed for crazy tenants protection

Smile you are on candid camera

2009-10-19T16:24:00.000-07:00

We have a lot of vacancies. Every time I rent an apartment, someone else moves out. It's very frustrating. I just want a full apartment complex so that I can just collect rent, boss around maintenance people and watch Oprah.

Is that to much to ask??

Honestly.

Because of this vacancy business I actually have to work more(loud sigh)

So I have been showing a lot of apartments lately and I always find it funny the random/strange/creepy/funny questions that I get.

Here are a few I received lately and I promise, cross my heart that these are true.

"What is this for?"

"It's the living room"

"But what is it for?"

"To put your furniture in."

"Oh, then what is this for?"

"It's a closet"

"But what is it for?"

"To put stuff in"

...and it goes on and on...

side note: please feel free to feel sorry for me because this person actually qualified and signed a one year lease....it's going to be a long year.

---------------------------

I was showing a couple a one bedroom and I happen to have my little son with me resting on my hip when the man points to him and says

"Is that yours?"

Who, this kid that keeps calling me Momma? Oh no I actually just cleaned out my closet and found him. Crazy huh. I was going to throw him in the DI pile but decided to try him on.

DUH!

---------------------------

A man comes in and he has a strange odor, a pretty obvious comb over and is wearing alarmingly short shorts made from sweatpants material (I am not sure of what they are called, I personally don't own a pair, nor should anyone for that matter) and a blue shirt tucked tightly into his shorts. He goes down a list of questions about our studio apartment ranging from when the building was built, how many times the apartment has been painted, is the owner a man or a woman and so on and so forth. You know the normal questions you ask when looking at an apartment.

So I show him the apartment and decide to stand in the doorway while he looks just to error on the side of caution since I couldn't decide if this man was dangerous or just really weird. After I show him the apartment we go back to the lobby were he takes a seat at the couch and asks me to sit across from him.

I sit down (noting all the possible exits) and the man explains that he actually lives in Arizona but would like to use our address and a apartment number to receive mail because he is looking for a job here.

Oh okay, yes, that makes perfect sense.

The annoying part is it took me almost 45 minutes to try and convince him it would be much easier to actually live in the same state you work in.

But preferably in a different complex, like on the other side of town.

------------------------------

~"Is this building made from wood?"

No it's made from straw so try not to sneeze

Have you seen...

2009-10-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

I had a creepy tenant. Who often asked to film "movies" in our lobby. He smelled rather bad and would call me sweetheart. I did not move him in, this was a previous managers work. So when his roommate came pounding on my door late one night saying and I quote "(name) stole my refrigerator! I told you to watch him!"

Seriously?!? Yes, this is my job. How could I forget.

He also explained that this roommate had taken his computer that he just bought him and some other belongings (I don't ask). I was just happy that the creepy guy was gone.

So the other day when the cops show up with a photo line-up and I see the creepy ex-tenant on it I am not shocked. I explained that yes I know this guy, that yes he used to live here and no I don't know where he went I just know he has his roommates refrigerator.

I hope that helped.

Honesty isn't always necessary

2009-09-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

It was 8:30PM on a Saturday night and I was just about to sit down and watch a movie with my husband when the phone rings. I generally pick up the phone even when we are closed. I answer the phone and a women half way asleep answers. She asks if she can come see the apartment right now?!? When I tell her it's too late and ask if I could possibly show her tomorrow she tells me that should work for her. Great.... and then for some reason she felt the need to tell me and I quote "I really wanted to come see the apartment earlier today, I don't have a lot of money, I don't make enough to always pay the rent. But I took too many pain pills and I fell asleep and I just woke up."

-Nice

Oh and I will be posting about my fun encounter with the cops today. It's always fun when they show up and show you a line up with one of your RESIDENTS on it! I guess I shouldn't be surprised being that he asked if he could film an adult movie in our lobby.

Excuses for not paying rent

2009-08-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

Actual excuse for either not paying rent at all or paying late and why they should not have to pay late fees.

~"I tried to pay rent but you were closed"

"Why didn't you drop it in the 24 hour slot?"

"I didn't know you there was a 24 hour slot"

"That is where you dropped your rent last month"

~I am not going to pay rent because the gym was closed for a whole week this month.

The gym at the complex was closed for a week due to upgrades.

~I had to buy presents for Christmas, I couldn't not get my kids presents.

yes because having a new Xbox is really important when you have no electricity OR home...hello?!?

~Here is the rent check but can you not deposit it until the 20th?

~I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail so I am going to be late this month

~"If I don't pay rent this month what is going to happen?"

"You will get evicted"

"Really, why? That's ridiculous"

~Tenant walks in puts down their new iPhone, keys to their BMW and their LV bag and tells me they can not pay rent this month because they had other bills that were way more important.

Isn't having a place to live considered high on the bill list, or is that just me?

~"You didn't get my rent? What! I mailed it to you! The post office must have lost it"

"Why would you mail me the check when you live next door?"

"Um...you were closed"

I love how tenants conveientaly forget about the 24 hour drop box only on certain months

First Impression

2009-05-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

When someone walks into my office it's my turn to SELL SELL SELL. Once the perspective tenant decides that they would in fact like to rent my apartment it is now THEIR turn to sell sell sell. Why you ask?

As a manager you don't want vacancies. But you also don't want to deal with crazy tenants who don't pay rent and cause problems. The later almost always trumps the first. At least a vacant apartment is not going to cost you thousands in lawyer fees, gray hairs and the occasional frantic 9-1-1 call(that story coming later).

So what we often do as managers is have the applicant fill out the application, do a background check, credit check and then check with past landlords and verify their jobs. Even after all this it still can not give you a real clear picture of if this person will in fact be a good tenant. We as landlords rely A LOT on first impressions and that first meeting.

Now here is a list I have made from my own personal experience of what I would say are key signs that this paticular person would NOT make a good renter. Again just based off first meetings....

When a person starts off the conversation with "How much do you charge for NSF checks?" (Non suffiecent funds, basically writting a bad rent check)

When someone shows up with no shirt on. I don't need to see all the tatoos you got in prison.

Creepy old men should not ask how many children live in the complex.

When a large man comes running into the office and says he needs to rent an apartment "RIGHT NOW!" and keeps looking behind his shoulder as if someone is following him.

When you tell someone that you run a credit and background check and they ask if you can just run the credit. Ummm, scary.

When two roomates are looking at an apartment and talking about how many awesome parties they can have here.

When you ask someone why they are moving and they point blank say "I am being evicted"

When someone shows up drunk/high to look at an apartment.

One time I am showing an apartment and someone is looking at the bathroom and full on unzips his pants and starts peeing in the toilet. Oh gee don't mind me standing right here.

When someone says they would like to pay 6 months rent in advance but has to write a check for double the amount so if we could just deposit the check for him and give him the balance that would be great....do I look like I was born yesterday. Honestly!

"I really love the apartment, is there is school near by?"

"Yes there is right around the corner actually."

"Oh I see about how many feet would you say it is?"

Seriously???

Pay attention to me!

2009-04-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

Seriously had a tenant complain to me that I spend way more time concentrating on my kids then on the tenants here on the property.

Seriously?!?

My response you ask?

Of course I spend more time concentrating on my kids then I do concentrating on you. Did you want me to cook you dinner and change your diaper as well?

Honestly! Do you see what I am dealing with!

What kind of attention did she want from me?! When she has a maintenance request I fill it promptly, when she wants a parking pass I give her one. Honestly. Why do people believe that the manager is their personal concierge.

Seriously?!?!

Seriously Nasty!!

2009-04-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

Excuse Me?!

2009-04-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

Here is a good one I can't take credit for...thanks to Devyn

Currently I have over 7 vacancies in a 60 unit building. Over 10% vacancies = unhappy boss=no bonus. So I decided to start working on Sundays to help get some of these vacancies moving. I had a beautiful couple come in that were expecting their first child and wanted a quiet place to start their family(music to any landlords ears). I walked them to the back apartment while up talking how clean and quiet and safe this complex is. They loved the grounds, the townhouse style apartments, I was having one of those moments where my inner saleswoman was resurfacing and all I could think about was the commission that I desperately needed from this....and then I unlock the door!

As soon as I smelled the odor I should have walked to a different apartment. Everyone made a face acknowledging the odor but not saying anything out loud. As we walk upstairs I think I hear water running, we walk toward the bathroom and there he was in all his glory. A homeless man taking a shower and don't worry there was no curtain on this shower. So all we saw was this extremely harry homeless man washing away. I wasn't exactly sure how to recover from such a devastating sight so I simply walked back down the stairs. The couple didn't say much even after I offered to show them a different unit. Much to my surprise they decided not to rent the apartment.

As soon as they left I picked up my phone to call the police when the homeless man walks into the office. I turned around and before I could say anything he says and I quote "it is rude to walk in on someone in the shower $$%&#" then he says "the world will end in 72hours, good bye and good luck" and then storms out leaving his stench behind(apparently it takes more than one shower to rid the homeless smell).

Seriously Devyn?!? You should have just told them that this is such a good clean and nice area that even the homeless are well groomed.

To all renters out there,

2009-04-16T13:30:00.001-07:00

Please please please understand that your landlords are people too. They have lives outside of yours. Please understand that you are RENTING an apartment. You do not own it you pay rent there for the owner owns it, and this is how he makes money. This does not make him a heartless $%&$% just because he still needs to collect rent from you even though you just lost your job but seemed to find the money to buy a new flat screen tv.

Please understand that landlords don't care what religion, nationality or gender you are as long as you pay rent and don't make trouble. Please understand that a landlord is NOT being prejudice when he/she asks you to remove the giant crucifix that you decided to nail to the wall in the laundry room. Understand that when the landlord asks you to refrain from playing your drums at 1:00am it's not because he/she does not appreciate good music it's simply because you don't have the capability to make it. And you have neighbors who love to use the emergency paging system.

If you ever wonder how the sidewalks get cleaned, the grass gets cut, the laundry rooms get cleaned, the parking gate is working, the pool is always perfectly blue....etc this is all because your landlord has coordinated with countless vendors and even strapped on some gloves to clean out the cigarette butts out of the ashtrays him/herself. So please don't cry to the landlord because he/she can't possibly understand what it's like to have a job and have to pay rent because he/she gets their rent for "free." Here is a news flash-Nothing is for Free!!

Please understand that even though the manager might live on the property they do have time off. So don't get upset when it's 10:30pm and you want a parking pass and the manager isn't answering the phone. Did you think he/she might be sleeping? And don't get mad when you lock yourself out of your apartment and your manager wont leave the nice dinner she is having with her family to come back and let you in. Don't lock yourself out! Or call a locksmith. Duh!

Don't think that us landlords don't understand that accidents happen. Of course people lock themselves out it's going to happen. But it's NOT an emergency. Please let me explain what a landlord would consider an emergency-
FIRE /FLOOD or BLOOD
But please in the case of a fire call 9-1-1 first. Please don't call the landlord to let them know that there is fire coming out of the apartment across the way and the smoke alarm has been going off for the last hour! And please, if you have some one breaking into your apartment call 9-1-1 first. Don't call the landlord so they can call the police. Please use common sense.

Which brings me to my next point. Please understand that dropping your contact down the sink is not an emergency. And please understand that just because your sink might be backed up there is no way a maintenance man will come out at 3am, so don't bother paging the landlord "just to let them know" it can wait until morning. And for goodness sakes for your own safety if you think you are having a heart attack call 9-1-1 don't page the landlord.

Please understand that the landlord is just doing his/her job and part of their job is not to be your personal 24 hr concierge.

You might not always love your landlord but try to remember that it's not an easy job. I must go now Oprah is on....

If you were ever wondering where Judge Judy finds these people....

2009-04-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

(If you would like to visualize this conversation please picture me half awake because I was awaken by the knocking on my door, this person in a little nighty that really didn't cover enough...thank goodness I wear contacts and thank goodness they weren't in)

Me:What's wrong??
Person let's call her Mrs. Robinson:Erin, I need your help.
Me:With what
Mrs. Robinson: I am suing my next door neighbors
Me-Why?
Mrs. Robinson: Because last night they had sex and it woke me up and I was so disturbed that I couldn't sleep. So I couldn't go to work, because I needed to sleep, and because I didn't go to work I got fired from my job. So, I am going to sue them.

REALLY?? Honestly?? I didn't ask why she felt is was so disturbing, even though I am sure it would have added so much more to this story.

Rain Rain go away...

2009-04-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

My pleasant slumber was abruptly interrupted one night by the office phone. I look at the clock and it was 4:30am. Usually when the phone rings that early in the morning something is wrong note the word usually. So I get up answer the phone and....they have already hung up the phone.

This is the times that I love having caller id. Haha! So I call the number right back...

Caller:Hello(sounding like I just woke them up)
Me:(I recognized the voice)hi, it's (me) is everything okay?
Caller: Well you know I just can't sleep. This rain is awfully loud. I mean it's louder than usual.

Really? Honestly?? You just woke me up and now my daughter is up, my son is crying and my husband is up because you wanted to make a complaint against the rain?? Did you expect me to summon up my magical powers and make the rain stop? Did you expect me to say "okay I will take care of that. Let me just get God on the phone right now and ask him to stop this wonderful rain that we in a time of drought so desperately need."

Me:You called me because you can't sleep? I was sleeping when you called.
Caller: Well, I didn't think you were going to pick up the phone.

Really?? So you were just going to leave a message on the answer machine voicing your concerns about the rain being loud? That makes WAY more sense.

Me: I always pick up the phone in the middle of the night in case it's an emergency. But I am going to go tend to my children now.
Caller:Okay sorry, maybe I will just close my WINDOW.

DUH!

And can it please be noted that I was completely calm and very nice even though I was half asleep and totally agitated. I was very proud of myself.

About Me

2009-01-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

I started this blog because there are days when I feel like I must be on Candid Camera because people never seem to surprise me. I need to record these stories as they happen in order to remember every single detail. If you have story you feel like sharing please email me at apartmentmanagersblog@gmail.com

Contact Information

2008-01-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

If you are interested in sharing a story or would like to contact me regarding a question or a comment please email
apartmentmanagersblog@gmail.com

If you feel like contacting me because you are convinced I am your landlord please email me at

sorryforbeingsocrazy@lalaland.net

About Me

2005-01-01T07:43:00.000-08:00

I can't say that it was my life ambition to be a apartment manager. I always had such high hopes and dreams, for example in second grade I wrote down that I wanted to be a babysitter when I grew up.

But I did the school thing, I did the work in a office thing but at the end of the day I wanted to work from home to be with the kids. My husband is a full time dental student and he has exactly 1 1/2 yrs left of school(not that I am counting) and then he has to buy me a big house where I will never have to serve 3 day notices or collect rent again!

I started this blog when life started to get to be a bit much. The kids plus the craziness of this job was becoming overwhelming. I started looking at every situation with humor and with every crazy event I stopped getting stressed and starting thinking about how I could write it. Needless to say it has helped me enjoy my job much more(although I am still counting down the days).

And yes every story is real.